Chanta Rose: Bondage Expert

Twitter

2009-03-18T10:01:00.001-07:00

I give in, and just signed up!

www.twitter.com/chantarose

Questionable Uncertainty

2009-03-06T16:21:00.001-08:00

I just finsihed writing a paper for Sociology. I had to answer/address the following question:

"Do you think low-wage factory’s of multi-national corporations represent exploitation or opportunity? Why?"

Once upon a time I would have just answered the damned question, but no, now due to my philosophy and communications classes I began my paper with this:

"Either/or questions in argumentative rhetoric like the one above force a reader to think in terms of black and white, right and wrong, and in this case opportunity or exploitation as if there was not an entire world of thought soaked in gray to be considered. The false dilemma is that there are only two possible answers and life is not that simple, not for the factory workers, or for the multi-national corporations that hire them."

Honestly, I could have written an essay on the fallacies in the question alone. False dilemma, appeal to emotional belief, loaded question, guilt by association, etc, etc.

After my opening paragraph I then went on to define the terms and discuss cultural relativism to come out with a surprising essay, even for myself.

I once read that going to college makes a person move from cocksure ignorance (primary certituide) to questionable uncertainty on issues. I am certainly experiencing this but in so many classes where so much time is spent "unpacking" the meaning of a question we never really answer any. This forces me to ask myself; does college create a world of thinkers when really we need a world of doers? Did you notice, I just committed all of the same fallacies as the question above. Fuck.

Nutrition Mid-Terms

2009-03-03T09:44:00.001-08:00

I got my mid-term back, and yep, I did it again. Answered 2 questions wrong because I am a dumb-dumb that races through exams instead of reading the question correctly and giving an answer I know. Majorly pissed at myself. "What condition is associated with H.Pylori?" Easy question. The answer is peptic ulcers, but what did I put? I put GERD like a huge dummy. GERD (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease) has NOTHING to do with H. Pylori. There was also a couple of Q's on this exam I flat out did not know, so I got an A-, but this is not going to happen again. That's 2 exams in a row now where I have fucked up 2 question on each, which represents 4% on each because of my own "hurry to get out of there" answering style. From now on, deep breaths, ear plugs (yes, people can be noisy motherfuckers in exams and it bothers me) and reading the Q's properly before answering.

Must be more careful....

2009-02-28T13:13:00.000-08:00

I am a little bit pissed at myself right now. Anyone who knows me knows I hold myself to impossible high standards in almost all of what I do.

I just got back my Sociology Exam and I got 3 questions wrong in the multiple choice section. Still an A=93% but I am so, so pissed at myself. I was expecting 1 wrong, thus 98% as there was one question that I flat out did not know the answer but the other two were both things I knew, both things where I did not read the wording of the question properly and therefore both silly errors that I should not have made.

Yes, yes, an A is an A. Well that's one way to look at it, but at the end of semester when the totals for all of the exams are added up that 7% on this exam that I fucked up could make a difference between an A and an A-....and I don't think I would cope well with that. I signed up to do an extra assignment worth 2% extra credit to help take the edge off my fuck up and put me back in the high A range.

One thing I was happy with though was that I received a perfect score on the essay section.

I always thought I would prefer multiple choice to essay question style exams but I had the same thing happen last week in philosophy. We had a really confusingly worded essay exam with 4 arguments that needed to be analyzed...and not analyzed for their truth but for their structure (basically it's math). I was sure I had tanked it but I got a perfect score! Woohoo!

I suppose I am better at esssays than mutltiple choice. Essays make you take the time to think and collect your thoughts before putting pen to paper. Multiple choice seems to be more of "process of elimination" where one must be careful not to fall prey to trick wording.

Fingers crossed for my Nutrition results which I'll have on Monday. Have to say I am very worried about that one as I know of 2 fuckups I made...so there could be more I don't know about yet.

Upset...

2009-02-26T19:49:00.001-08:00

I just want to cry. It's been a hard couple of days...lots of little things that now have my head feeling like it wants to explode and my heart feeling as if it is breaking. It's times like these I lose my will to live...which may sound like a strong statement but life can be so damned hard at times and while I enjoy a big challenge, small things can really hurt me.

Yesterday I was in a small car accident. I really don't know who's fault it was but I do know it will raise my insurance and I was literally 1 week away from getting the CA good driver discount (3 years on a CA DL).

Last night I had vivid dreams that I was pregnant and that my husband wanted to make me have an abortion and I wasn't sure what I wanted so I ended up leaving him and was living in a depressing bedsit in the sunset with my dog, pregnant and alone.

Multiple texts from staff and models at TF today about male sub being crap. Shoot was ended after only 1 position. Stuff like this costs the company, and therefore me directly thousands in wasted staff time, model kills fees, the loss of an update, etc.

Today I had a debate in class where one of the people I was debating (who hates immigration) played dirty against me. Normally it would not bother me but I was already rattled.

While in school, the house alarm got set off. Probably by my next door neighbor, which means a $200+ fine from the city just because she can't understand she has to hit "motion off" when the dogs are home and arming the alarm. Not a big deal except for everything else.

I'm going to cook Marty dinner now, and then cry in the bathtub for a bit, while reminding myself I have a lot to be happy for and many people do not.

It probably does not help that I have not taken my thyroid meds for almost 2 weeks.

First Round Done

2009-02-25T10:56:00.001-08:00

The last week has included 3 mid-term exams...actually it was 3 in 5 days so i was a wee-bit (okay, a lot) stressed out!

I did not "ace" any of them. I never do. I always get 1 wrong, always, always, always...and usually it's something dumb that I realize as soon as I have turned in my exam. It kills me because I like to be perfect...but Marty keeps telling me, an A is an A...and an A=4 on the GPA which is what matters.

The hardest exam was Nutrition. Really fucking hard. Frustrating too. The teacher put a couple of questions on the exam that were supposed to be easy of things we did not cover in lecture and were not in the textbook, you know, stuff I suppose we're just "supposed to know". This really annoyed me, after the exam I asked her about one which had to do with the minimum recommendation of whole grain in the grain portion of your diet. She laughed, and said "oh, you know, the ads when you were growing up that said make half your grain whole"...I looked at her and said, no, I did not grow up in America and had never seen that slogan. Thanks for the loss of 2% on my exam score. This is the only exam where I am hoping for an A- and am really unsure of my grade, it could be less. I could list every organ, muscle type and hormone secretion in the Gastrointestinal tract and then there was only 2 questions about it on the exam...I could have cried! Oh well. Already got results for Psychology 96% and Sociology 98% though.

Okay, back to Philosophy homework....

Heart Shaped Box

2009-02-16T17:20:00.001-08:00

Marty remembered that I had mentioned a few weeks ago that I had never received a heart shaped box of chocolates before so on V-day he got me one as well as some "orange juice" roses. They're mainly yellow with dark orange highlights. He usually gets me "sunset roses" which are more yellow and red but I just love orange lately so these are awesome. We didn't have any reomantic dinner plans so we went to target to run errands (puck up house supplies) and then ate at Sizzler!!! How funny is that on V-day! My friends thought I was joking but I actually LOVE Sizzler...mmm, malibu chicken!

I've been studying a lot this weekend as I have a psychology midterm on Tuesday (tomorrow). Fairly certain I have it all memorized and am ready to go. I also have a quiz on "semantics in rhetoric and critical thinking" so now I have to start on the reading for that. I find that for any quizzes in that class I need to do the reading 3-4 times to fully understand and remember it all. The teacher believes in recursion and expects us to do 3 readings, her quiz questions reflect that too, thankfully, so far I have always been prepared and have been doing well (touch wood).

Okay, back to the books.

Ciao.

Lazy Days

2009-02-11T11:26:00.001-08:00

I have been really tired for the last week. I suppose it does not help that I had the flu and that San Francisco is so fucking cold right now, like bitterly, get into your bones cold. As a result I have been "binge sleeping".. getting up early on the day I have to, and any ither day, sleeping late, well past 10 or 11am.

Just finished up my philosophy homework for this week. You know, I thought I would really love my humanities classes and hate my science classes but it is exactly the opposite. There's one class inparticular that I had to fight really hard to get into and now I am in it I am not enjoying it at all. I want the credit so I won't drop it but I do wish we could move on from talking in riddles to some real argument and debate.

Lots of buzz up here the last couple of days about all the lay off's at Kink. Obviously, some of those people contacted me instantly. When my phone starts buzzing with dozens of textx I know something big has just happenend. It's a real shame how timing can determine everything. A year ago I would have been thrilled to snap up several kink employees and was feeling like I would never have any help in my company because all of the good people worked there...but I was wrong. In that time I have found several talented directors to help reduce my workload, and they don't come with the ego of a kink employee. Regardless of why Kink let so many people go, along with all other small companies, TF may have some rough times ahead. Again, with the timing. A year ago sales were on not just a steady rise but a steep one. Since then things have changed, and I could not, with clear conscience offer someone a full time position. The earth needs to be a little less shaky for all companies right now, even porn ones.

Take care,
Chanta

This Whole "Hate/Prop 8" Thing

2009-02-08T13:58:00.001-08:00

I have been noticing more on more (on blog's, etc) that people keep saying that the result of prop 8 is because of hate. There's a lot of "Do you love or hate?" propoganda, and a lot of "I am hated" from the gay community, etc.

I just disagree. While I will acknowledge that there are those who hate gays and lesbians and chose to vote for prop 8 as a result of their hatred, I would argue that the majority did not (base their decision on hatred). Feeling that marriage should be between a man and a woman is an opinion of some people. It does not mean they are against gay and lesbian relationships, they just have a different definition of what marriage means. This could be because of the "do you want your children to learn about gay marriage in schools" advertisements or it could be for religious reasons, or maybe even because of procreation, who knows. My point is that people are entitled to their thoughts and opinions on the subject and voted based on that, not hatred. I actually know many people who voted for prop 8 that live in SF, have gay friends, etc but for whatever reasons strongly believed marriage should be between man and wife only.

The bigger question of course then is civil rights. In the deep south the majority of people once believed in the KKK but that did not mean they were right, and their beliefs were founded from hate. Their actions were a violation of civil and human rights against african americans. In this situation, no amount of public vote should determine what is law.

So, is the same thing happening here with Prop 8? No, not on the human rights level. I do not feel that gay people fear for their lives, or are denied drinking water, etc. On the civil rights level, possibly but it is difficult to take as seriously as other civil rights violations in history like certain groups not being permitted to vote, segregation, etc, and thank goodness we are now in a time where gay couples can be together, live together, etc without that act being illegal.

What's my point? That it is damaging to the credibility of the gay marriage movement for them to keep claiming that a) they are hated, and b) that when someone makes a decision regarding gay marriage, if they vote against it they are choosing hate. It just sounds too much like George Bush saying if other countries are not with us they are our enemy, etc. Life is not so black and white, and using tactics like that do nothing but enflame.

Nancy Pelosi said it best in her commercial in regards to prop 8. She said, (paraphrased) "You may believe marriage should be between a man and a woman, but this issue is not about that, it is about civil rights, and whether you should be able to tell someone what they can and cannot do". This is way to go about change. Achknowledge people's uncertainties and fears and then talk about the bigger issue of rights, which should be the same for all.

I'm just in a fucking bad mood.

2009-02-06T10:43:00.001-08:00

I have woken up really angry today. Lots of negativity around me.

This happens sometimes when I get stressed about how much work/study, etc I have to do...and then I do what women do, I start thinking about shit things from months ago that made me angry then that I can't seem to let go of and I get really, really foul tempered.

I'm going to make a cup of tea and some oatmeal and try to improve my mood. I have a lot to do today and if I am angry all day i doubt much of it will get done.

"Yes, they are a needy bunch"

2009-01-30T17:03:00.001-08:00

Hahahahaha! I received this text today from one of my staff in regards to male talent.

It seems that, as they are all scared of me or something, that whenever they're worried that have upset me they contact him LOL, I am betting he wishes never having given his number out!!!

It really is bizarre how insecure and needy male talent can be. They let you know they're going to be in town and that they'd like to shoot and when they get a "no" they immediately assume that I'm mad at them. Um, no, it's just that we're not shooting that week, or maybe I've shot you a lot and am sick of you for now, or anything else, who knows. What I do know is do not spend my time sitting around thinking about male talent LOL.

So to any male talent out there that may be reading this: Grow Up!!! Seriously, stop being so PATHETIC. If I want to book you, I'll contact you or your agent. If no one in the industry wants to book you maybe you should find a new line of work.

Oh, and if you do manage to somehow get ahold of me on the phone and I am politely saying "IF" I book you, it means, no, I probably won;t be booking you so don;t nag me with emails and follow up calls telling me how you'd be the greatest Dom ever on F&B because you're into it in your real life. Dude, every guy who ever said that either sucked at it, or could not get/keep his dick hard...and you're forgetting 1 thing about being a great Dominant, there is an IQ prerequisite and it's doubtful you're in the 5% of male talent that make the grade.

Um, it's a bondage site....

2009-01-26T19:02:00.000-08:00

that means hands need to be tied and restraints need to be inescapaable.

I suppose one of the challenges of using guest directors is having to explain the fucking obvious.

Naturalization

2009-01-21T10:46:00.001-08:00

The paperwork collecting in life is never ending. From mortgage refinancing to taxes to homeland security LOL! Currently I am working on all 3 of these so the piles of copies of various bank statements, etc on my desk is a little out of control!

On March 7th, I become eligible for the naturalization process. As I have lived all over the world, I have seen how America, and therefore Americans are loathed. I have shared many of these opinions and I am sure I will continue to do so. What always amazes me about the US is that it's citizens are so patriotic, yet, their government treats them like crap!!! Most of my gripes come from the ridiculous cost of education and healthcare. I believe these to be human rights, not priveleges for the rich...or luxuries that will place people in debt for their entire lives.....but I digress.

Will I become a US citizen? Yes. I simply cannot live somewhere and pay taxes, etc and then not be permitted to vote. I also do not like that if I am a member of any advocacy groups, etc that can threaten my residency. Lastly, I do not want to have to reapply and therefore pay again, for a new greencard every 10 years.

So this decision is based on 3 things: 1. Convenience, 2. What I believe are my rights, and 3. The fact that I will not have to give up my Australian citizenship to do this.

I LOVE MATH!

2009-01-18T23:12:00.001-08:00

Who would have thought? I have spent the last 6 hours reteaching myself geometry and algebra and I LOVE IT!!! I was always good at math...well, right up until calculus anyhow, and then my A's turned into D's but I have been petrified about having to study math. I have an exam on Saturday and have been really, really concerned. I still have a huge amount of studying to do, haven't yet revised traingles or quadratic equations but have been having so much fun figuring out formulas for things, especially geometry....I always loved geometry. Want to know how to find the perimeter of a running track? 2 x length + width x pi. Okay, that was super simple but it makes me so happy to do it! Learning is awesome...and while making porn can, and has been fun, too much of it just feels like brain rot...I guess I need some math with my bondage sex, hahahahaha!

Nailed It!

2009-01-08T15:50:00.001-08:00

Today I had to give an 8-10 minute informative speech in class. Basically, this is the equivelent of our mid-term. I planned it all well, had greast hand outs and made hubby listen to me rehears like 10 times but it was all worth it because I received a PERFECT SCORE!!! 100/100! How awesome is that...I always knew I could talk for England LOL!

School Days

2009-01-07T13:12:00.000-08:00

Last week, I started a college class. As it is not officially a semester, but rather "Winter School" only a small number of classes are available, and you're only permitted to take a maximum of 4 units (so basically, you can only take 1 class). In 12 days we knock out an entire semester's workload and exam and while it is the humanites and "easier" courses that are available it is certainly a lot of work. Hours of homework everyday leave little time for much else, especially with class from 9am-12:30pm every day...but it's amazing what you can get done when what you're doing is varied. My last few days have been as so:

Wake up, make thermos of tea, drive to class.
In class until 12:30pm.
Drive home via supermarket to pick up produce for dinner.
Once home, edit a video for TF, work on model bookings, etc.
Take the dog to the park.
Cook dinner (and I mean nice dinners like veal with roasted potatoes, carrots and a spinach salad).
Do homework for class
Go to bed only to wake up and do it all again!

It has been a long time since I leaped out of bed in the morning wanting to go wherever it is I am needed but this class is fun, and as I am doing very well in it, so a lot of my fears about college (being the oldest, the dumbest, etc) are disappearing and while I do not know if I will pursue a degree I am certainly loving that for the first time in a long time I feel as if my brain may not be made of liquid (making porn will make you feel that way).

Take care,
Chanta

Achievements of 2008

2009-01-04T11:32:00.001-08:00

While, on the whole, I feel rather down about 2008, here are some of the things I am proud of:

1. Paying an additional $34,000 off of my mortgage. In many places in the US this would be a huge chunk of home ownership taken care of but I live in SF and that amount represents about 3% of my houses value LOL, still it lowered the principle by that much which is a great accomplishment.

2. Finding directors to help me at TF. I honestly believed all the good people (and a couple of crap ones) worked at Kink and that I would never, ever be able to find the help I needed. I am happy that there are talented people out there that can do what I need them to.

3. Shooting enough content to start a 4th site. While I'm proud of having 17 shoots shot, none of them are edited, so there's still a long way to go!

4. I finally received my permanent greencard. Woohoo!

5. I convinced hubby to actually use his vacation time and actually even a little extra. He/we spent over 4 weeks overseas (I spent much more, but this was purely vacation) and had time off over Xmas, that's like 5 and a half weeks which is unheard of for him!

So there you have it!

Chanta

Good Riddance 2008

2008-12-31T22:36:00.001-08:00

This has not been a good year, and I am happy to see it end. Hubby and I actually did something different this year instead of the usual scrabble with the in-laws. We went for an early dinner at Lark Creek Steak House (mmm, yum, filt mignon) and then saw "Frost/Nixon" at the Metreon. Fucking awesome movie I might add! It was just over a year ago that I had a birthday dinner at Lark Creek with Berlin and a couple of other friends, we all had such high hopes for 2008 that I ignored warning signs that would have saved me a lot of heartache. Oh well, live and learn and look forward to 2009...a year I hope will not resemble 2008 at all.

Places I've Been!

2008-12-25T11:02:00.001-08:00

visited 54 states (24%)
Create your own visited map of The World or try another Douwe Osinga project

School

2008-12-22T07:04:00.000-08:00

I think I may need a degree to navigate the online college classe schedule LOL! I am finding the American college system quite frustrating but have accepted that I live here and that this is just the way it is. A bachelors degree in the UK and Australia is 3 years. A double degree is 5. There's no entry level math, or english composition, etc as it is assumed you learnt all of that to college level in high school. Here, I must do it all again, and have the pleasure of paying for it (something I also did not have to do in Aus thanks to HECS) but the change is so refreshing. My brain has always been a sponge, and the memory I have been blessed with is pretty extraordinary (does that sound arrogant?), I never forget anything...anything at all, especially numbers. Marty can ask me how much a dinner cost 7 years ago in Hawaii and I can not only tell him exactly, I can tell him exactly what we ate and what each item cost. He laughs at this useless skill but I feel, with training this memory could be valuable to more than being able to recite meaningless crap from years gone by.

This year will be a year of exams for me. Now that I find very scary. From entry level exams, to the citizenship test, too maybe even the LSAT. I am hungry for knowledge. Knowledge beyond rope, and sex, and cameras, and lighting, and porno politics.

Last week, someone said to me they cannot imagine the Bondage Porn industry without me in it. Firstly, I am not going anywhere. Yes, my days in front of the camera are done, but I will still be teaching (something I have already started to schedule for 2009), I will hopefully get Volume 2 of "Bondage for Sex" out and Twisted Factory will continue to shoot with the immense help of several talented guest directors. It's called delegating and it is something I should have put my foot down about over 6 months ago. Maybe then I would have only had a mini-burn-out instead of an almost complete nervous breakdown.

Delegation+Variety+Education=Improved Quality of Life. At least that's the plan LOL. Knowing me I'll jump into something 150% and burn out all over again LOL.

Thoughts

2008-12-21T15:48:00.001-08:00

I'm about to start decorating the Xmas tree with hubby. This year we got a huge tree standing over 9ft tall. Our Victorian house has the ceilings to make it possible to have such an impressive tree. The entire house smells fantastic, which is my favorite, favorite, favorite thing about a fresh Xmas tree. In Australia we always had plastic.

I have been suffering from some serious jet-lag which sucks and I am not used to but I have also tried to be somewhat productive on what the year ahead may hold for me. It is my intention that 2009 does not resemble 2008 in any way, shape or form. It may be easy to fall back into working ridiculous hours, having no variety in life, etc but the fact is, the last 6 months have made me hugely resentful towards my own company...honestly, you'd have thought that could happen? Well, it did, and not in a small way. In 2009 it is guest directors at TF that will hopefully greatly reduce my workload so I can then overload it again with other things. Things I miss doing greatly, like teaching and writing, and maybe even taking a couple of college classes (I've been a bit biology obsessed lately and want to know more, much more about this story of life).

The biggest achievement I could have, and that I do not know I will succeed at is to learn to forgive myself for some decisions in my past. I never allow myself to feel good about anything I do, or proud of anything I achieve...actually, for the most part I tell myself I have accomplished nothing. I wonder, when the measuring stick I use for myself is so out of reach if I will ever feel satisfied with all that I have done.

Mean Travel Gods

2008-12-18T05:24:00.001-08:00

I am wide awake at 5am. Actually, I've been wide awake since 3:30am but tried to stay resting in bed for as long as I could. I never, ever get jet-lagged because I have what I believe is a rather perfest long haul travel system but these last couple of days could thrown anyone off.

I left London as plannned around 3pm on on Tuesday 12/16. Usually I fly direct but for many stupid reasons I booked a flight via Chicago O'Hare (for extra miles and a cheaper ticket). Due to strong winds and bad weather at O'Hare we landed 90 minutes late so I was sure I had missed my domestic connection to SF but it was delayed. I ran through the terminals and security and made it to my gate only to play a game of watch the delay time keep changing. When an airline keeps delaying a flight, and the plane you're supposed to get on isn't even there it doesn't look good. Thinking ahead I decided to volunteer to fly out the next day. The flight was over sold anyhow and if you volunteer you usually get your hotel paid for and a travel voucher worth a couple of hundred bucks but United weren't offering anything so I stayed put.

After 3 hours, we had a plane, a crew and we were all seated and ready to go. Planes were taking off and landing as there was a break in the weather. Unfortunately, what we did not have was a pilot. Ground crew asked us all to disembark and of course, United blamed the weather so they wouldn't have to pay for anyones hotel. After waiting in line to get a new flight for the next day (no offense to the average flyer but I am a super high frequesnt flyer and I am booked in first class so why the fuck am I in a line half a mile long with everyone else? There are special lines for us at check in, at boarding, etc but not at customer service...bullshit) and realising the closest hotel available using the pink discount voucher the airline gave out I decided to sleep in the airport. Finally, late this afternoon I arrived back home in SF.

Questions

2008-12-10T22:54:00.001-08:00

Taken from "imp of satan" lj:

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Unfortunately it was a year of routine and same old this, same old that.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I disn;t make any, but this year I will be.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. I live in SF, we're pro-dogs and anti-children.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
Italy, Germany, England, Australia.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A quality of life that does not invlove working over 80 hours a week for peanuts.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory,and why?
July 9th, it was a day when things started to crumble.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Having a happpy marriage and finding guest directors to help me at TF.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not releasing a second book or teaching in the US.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Depression.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
HD cameras for TF, they rock!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Sabrina Fox.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
That name, for the time being, will remain out of print.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Framer's Market, I love those!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Barack Obama winning the election. What a fantastic moment in history to be alive for.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I have no idea.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter
c) richer or poorer? Richer (only just, and not because of TF)

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Swimming, writing, cooking, planning my future.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Working. It has destroyed me.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Hopefully just with my man, but you never know, I may end up hosting ab ig family thing.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I fall more in love with Marty every year.

22. How many one-night stand?
Sorry, I'm married so it's one man only, on many nights for me!

23. What was your favourite TV program?
Grey's Anatomy and Tell me you Love me.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Yes, I do, but until I can remove him from my life the name shall remain out of print.

25. What was the best book you read?
Jodi Piccoult disappointed me this year, so nothing really stands out.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
LOL, Peter Gabriel, I am addicted to some of his corny songs and I had never heard them before!

27. What did you want and get?
Nothing I can think of.

28. What did you want and not get?
A decent income, a reasonable workload, a quality of life.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
I haven't seen it yet but I am guessing it will be "Doubt", on DVD is was the Elizabeth movies with Cate Blanchett and the Other Boleyn Girl with Natalie Portman.

30. What did you do on your birthday?
I am postponing it until 2009, so no b'day this year!

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Writing Volume 2 of Bondage for Sex.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
I lived in pj's and turtlenecks which I think accurately portrays my depresssion.

33. What kept you sane?
I am far from sane.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Angelina Jolie. I just love her, along with Ginnifer Goodwin, Amy Adams and Jennifer Aniston.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Some of the tactics used by the Republican party during the Presidentail election.

36. Who did you miss?
My littl brother Ben, but thankfully I saw him twice this year.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
My "normal" friends, those who have no link to the adult industry.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008;
I'm still figurng that one out.

Postponing my Birthday!

2008-12-10T09:44:00.001-08:00

In a couple of days it is my birthday (12/12) but for a number of reasons I am postponing it to January 12th, 2009!

While I love being a Sagitarian, I HATE having a December birthday. For the last 2 years I have wanted to go to a certain restaurant for dinner and it is always booked out, along with every other nice place for office Xmas parties, etc. This year would be worse, because my birthday falls on a Friday, and several months ago I realised it was going to be the same day as the Kink Xmas party...fucking great. So, I deliberately planned to be out of the country (I'm in London) to hopefully avoid the fight I always have with hubby about the Kink Xmas party, which this year could be that much bigger (the fight, not the party) because of the date it falls on LOL! I get very emotional about that event.

As we have just resturned from Australia, and now I am away again, we have not been shopping for b'day present. I never really know what I want so we'll head to the mall and I'll find stuff, the same stuff every year: new boots, new handbag, etc but this year I don't need that stuff because the ones I got last year are still going strong! To take the pressure off of hubby, I said, let's just postpone it. In January I can find a gift, and go the restaurant I want to eat at without all this Xmas shit everywhere!

Exciting for TF!

2008-12-06T15:39:00.001-08:00

I returned to the US yesterday from a 2 week vacation in Australia. I would like to say I did not work at all but I was *forced* to by a demanding red head waiting for an official job offer (and no, it probably is not the red head you're thinking of). This offer is the first of it's kind in my company. We are (hopefully) hiring our first Webmaster to help lighten my workload and breathe some fresh air into one of our sites.

For a long time I was obsessed with "Kink" directors. I really thought I would never be able to find people to come and work at TF that were a) any good, and b) could be trusted not to be poached as soon as they start working for me LOL. In the last couple of months we have booked no less than 6 riggers to "guest direct" and it really has opened my eyes to the fact that there are talented people out there who do not work at Kink. As fate would have it, as soon as I had this revelation a Kink rigger became available.

In the past 2 weeks, while I have been snorkelling the reef, eating delicious Moreton Bay Bugs and enjoying the luxury of "La Premiere" Cinemas, my company had 6 shoots, none of which I had to be present for, and while I have not edited these yet I have viewed the photos and it is clear that there is some great content there, especially in the Berlin directed scenes. Her shoots may take a fucking long time but her ideas on this last trip are simply out of this world...I even feel a little sorry for her victims....but while Berlin will always be a big part of TF, she is not the red head we have made the Webmaster offer to at this time.

The Reality of Commerce

2008-11-30T14:31:00.000-08:00

I just read a post elsewhere where a rigger said he wanted to work with other riggers on a project but he didn't want the kind that were "just in it for the $$$"!

I have to ask, when it comes to bondage (bondage, not porn) is anyone who does ir in it for just the money? The answer is probably no, but what we have here, are people who feel that those who do make a (very) good living from BDSM are not truely "into it" because of the money they earn. Ridiculous. These are the words of people who do not understand the reality of commerce in life, so here are some of my super opinionated thoughts!

1. Just because your product does not turn a profit does not make it art. It could still be completely unartistic pornography but because it makes no money it is either badly marketed, distrivbuted or is just bad porn...or all 3!

2. Just because you create art should not mean, and does not mean you should not be able to make a living from it. There is this "struggling artist" fantasy that suggests if you make money from your art you have sold out. I disagree. People who create art (and by art I do not mean bad porn that does not sell) deserve to be able to make a living from it so they can continue to create. Doing some paid graphic design work on the side, or aggresively marketing your product is not *selling out*, it is making it possible to make a living doing what you love.

3. Since when did someone making money from whatever it is they do in BDSM (photography, porn, education, etc) become so taboo. People who buy these products (the books, classes, site memberships, photos, etc) clearly want them to be available and the people who have created them have worked hard to do so.

4. But finally, I do not believe it is porn fans, book readers, etc that have a problem with the fact the some people who ARE INTO BDSM make a good living from it, it is those who do not.

In conclusion, I want to say, I make a modest living from my BDSM activities. I work 80 hours a week running Twisted Factory, which is the 2nd largest BDSM porn company in the world but after all of the models, affiliates, staff, etc have been paid there isn't that much left. Yes, I run this company for the money. No doubt about that, but I also created it in the first place because I wanted to make a living from doing what I love. If I were a nurse, I would still get tied up for sex. If my husband was something else entirely (as opposed to a webmaster at Kink) he would still want to flog me, etc.

Currency Markets and Hair-Cuts

2008-11-21T10:03:00.000-08:00

The one thing I havd always been good at with money, is knowing when and where (Country wise) to move it to take advantage of strong and weak currencies.

Australia's dollar is currently in the toilet...which means I will be taking a good chunk of change back there (tonight) for the next few years until it swaps back again and I'll move it again. Not to mention the fact that in Australia my isaver account (yes a savings account, not even a CD) pays almost 6% interest. I don't believe what we're seeing in the stock markets is going to bottom anytime in the immediate future so i will be more than happy with a nice, safe 6%!

I remember the days of living in the UK and earning GBP's only to be sending them to Oz and getting almost $3 (AUD) per pound...mmm, yes, they were the days!!As for the haircut, well yes, my hair has just been annoying me and giving me headaches and neck-aches, etc so last night, Marty lopped a good 8 inches off of it. It's still long, just not knee length long...more like half ass long LOL!

Okay, I'm off to Australia!

Ciao!

Voicemail...

2008-11-09T17:12:00.000-08:00

Wow, I really need to check my phone more...I just dialled "1" to retrieve my voicemails (something I hate doing, and there was 14 messages! Oops. FYI to anyone who calls me and leaves me voicemails, it will take me days to check them and if you leave me a fucking monologue I will delete it before you're even half way through LOL!!! Once upon a time I loved voicemail but I am now a total text convert...I suppose as I head towards being even more antisocial with technology...oh well!

VOTE

2008-11-04T11:35:00.000-08:00

I just want to say that if you do not vote, when you are actually legally able to, you are giving up the right to complain for the next 4 years. So...if you do not vote, and then you are unhappy with the outcome of todays election then I will be telling you to shut the fuck up!!! I, on the other hand, am not allowed to vote, so i will complain as much as I like!!!

As Dia Sleeps....

2008-10-31T07:45:00.001-07:00

chained to the wall, in one of our creepiest sets, she has no idea when Nika will enter and wake her up. Dia has been here all night...chained to the wall as she sleeps. We have a camera set up on time delay so the entire night of sleeping has been shot down to just a few minutes. We also have some speakers set up in there, so we can wake her at any time with Nika yelling orders into the room!

Male Models Needed for BDSM Scenes

2008-10-27T01:14:00.001-07:00

We are currently booking scenes for Twisted Factory's femdom site Captive Male. Our studio is based in Oakland, CA.

All shoots are paid (starting at $300), and if needed (ie. for scenes including intercourse), HIV testing is also provided. All models limits are respected and safewords are used. Please check out our sites to understand more of what we do.

Shoots include bondage (rope or metal), working with a female who will be the Dom/Top/Mistress, strapon sex (anal penetration on male by female), possible sex acts (like oral sex on female, vaginal intercourse, etc) and other BDSM activities (spanking, flogging, nipple clamps, etc), again, all limits are respected.

Please apply with photos of yourself at:
http://www.twistedfactory.com/models/call

We are only interested in RELIABLE talent so please, if you're hesitant about this kind of shoot, do not apply.

From Audrey Leigh's LJ

2008-10-24T18:44:00.001-07:00

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

The Funny Stress and Drama

2008-10-24T14:43:00.001-07:00

Last night I received a call from my videographer telling me the new PA had just quit! He only worked for us for 4 days...and befor anyone thinks it was because I was a bitch to him, I only worked with him for one half day on Monday (his first day) and it even takes me more than one day to become a bitch (at least 2).

I asked why and was told that while he was editing on J's machine he read his email and saw an e-mail I had sent forwarding Julie's comments while she was here. I prefaced the comments with my own concerns. In the one day I had him on set he was slow, slow, slow, and while I do not expect a PA to know the difference between a single tail and a flogger on their first day, or even within their first week I do expect that "sense of urgency" that comes with a great PA and I have always had a good eye for who has it and who doesn't. At TF, and Kink, I had some amazing PA's.

So, he quit. And when I found out I laughed my ass off. There was nothing malicious in the e-mail. Just comments like, he needs to move faster and be more alert, and that made him quit which really proves the point that he would not have worked out anyhow. You get some accurate critisism by reading someone elses private e-mail and then you quit. An e-mail between the owner of the company and the person who hired you which you shouldn't even be looking at. Okay.

So, my prop builder, who happens to be the best PA I have ever had is going to fill in next week. Stress and drama averted for another week at TF!!

Take care,
Chanta

The Editing Grind

2008-10-23T09:24:00.001-07:00

That is what today is all about. Lots of video and photo editing...woohoo!!! While I am doing that Kristine will be having her boy/girl porn cherry popped over at the studio by TJ, with Luke Degre directing/rigging. Part of me really wwants to be there because this shoot has the potential to be something really special, and part of me is happy to home editing because there is so much work that needs to be done before Hubby and I fly to Australia on November 21st.

Julie Simone has left now, after 3 days of modeling and rigging and directing. I am most looking forward to editing her http://www.chantasbitches.com shoot with Rain Degre as I think it was the most intense of the 3 days but the first shoot of hers that will go on site with be the http://www.fuckedandbound.com with Derrick Pierce. I'm thrilled to have her first boy/girl shoot and if she decides to do more of that kind of work I would do it differently next time. Like most lifestyle players, Julie really needs "more" than what a male pornstar with a flogger can offer...so, to take it to a higher level I will book one of the BDSM guys from LA and perhaps have a "gimp guys" on set also to guarantee necessary hard cock! I've had a few too many experiences where I have booked some great players from the BDSM scene and then their cocks don't work on set. F&B is a sex site so "wood" is required LOL.

Take care,
Chanta

Association

2008-10-22T12:41:00.000-07:00

Dogs learn by association. Memphis knows if I call him and he comes to me that he will be rewarded with a treat. He knows that when I make tea and dessert for Marty and I at night he will be given a peanut butter cookie, and he also knows that if he growls at another dog in the park the tone of my voice will change as I yell "down" and he immediately drops to the floor, rolling over to show his submission to me.

While humans have more complex brains and are more complicated in general, we also learn by association, both negative and positive. I have had a bad day so far today. As I was driving to the studio I was stuck in the worst traffic ever on 880, then I realized I had forgotten the offsite media back up drive which I needed with me to duplicate the last 2 days shoots and then I got a text from my videographer saying my business partneer was in the office. See, I associate him with adding more work to production. In production we are already ridiculously overworked and stretched as thin as can be so when someone wants this or that, and IMO most of it is a waste of time anyhow it's not good. Thinking of more work adds more stress which sucks any enthusiasm a creative person may have out of them as they crumble under the stress and workload. All of this makes for a very bitchy Chanta and those who know me, know I don't need any help in that area LOL! So, I managed to get off 880 and drove home.

Thanks god I have http://www.juliesimone.com directing today and Luke Degre tomorrow. This week, they are my lifesavers.

Take care,
Chanta

Working for Home

2008-10-21T19:05:00.001-07:00

I have been spending more time working from home lately as I begin to use guest directors for certain shoots. Today, Julie Simone performed in and directed a scene for Chanta's Bitches which helps me a great deal. While the shoot was happening I finished 2 updates and edited the pictured from yesterdays shoot. It can be really, really hard to actually accomplish anything when you're surrounded by people with questions, etc and sometimes I just need to go into a "bubble" and get a lot done on my own so that I can free up the time needed for management and staff training parts of my job.

Julie Simone to shoot for Fucked&Bound.com

2008-10-17T09:50:00.001-07:00

Pretty cool huh!

Read the whole story here:
http://www.avn.com/performer/articles/32916.html

Take care,
Chanta

A sprint or a marathon...

2008-10-15T18:00:00.000-07:00

Monk of http://www.twistedmonk.com recently made a blog post where he described a day in the life for himself. At the end of the post he wrote he had realized that being in business was like running a marathon as opposed to a sprint which gave me soome great food for thought.

My burnout has really hit a height (or you could say an all time low) and I am realizing that for the past 2+ years I have been sprinting...and I am out of breath. Actually I have been sprinting my entire life but that's a different story. TF has me exhausted in a way I have never felt before. Thankfully I have an amazing staff, and I have scheduled the next couple of months to have many guest directors which will help me a lot but really this is only a "quick fix", it may ease the stress but it will not actually solve the problem. To run this company, to start a 4th and a 5th site, etc I have to remain at a sprint, actually I have to run even faster. I've directed 400 shoots in just over 2 years and I am looking for "more". I am looking to have a life outside of my company, maybe go back to sschool, maybe volunteer at Animal Care and Control, and certainly write more kinky books and at the current pace and workload that isn't possible.

I need to be running a marathon with TF, a nice, controlled, well paced marathon, because if I keep sprinting I may have to stop running altogether.

This time in 7 weeks...

2008-10-04T18:07:00.000-07:00

Hubby and I will be in the air on route to Australia!

I never dreamed I could ever talk him into taking 2 full weeks off of work to travel to my homeland but he promised my Mum (his mother in law) so he had to stick to it!!!

I have sooooo much work to do between now and then, including the possible launch of our 4th site at TF (note, I said "possible" launch, it may, or may not happen before Xmas). He will also be snowed under at the glob getting his own updates ready, etc so we will both have earnt our 2 weeks in paradise.

Take care,
Chanta

In case anyone is curious:

2008-10-04T16:02:00.001-07:00

Here are some of the time limits on abortions worldwide:

France: 12 weeks
Germany: 12 weeks
Italy: 13 weeks
Sweden: 18 weeks
UK: 24 weeks
US: limits after 26 weeks
Australia: No limit

Take care,
Chanta

Gianna Jessen

2008-10-04T05:25:00.001-07:00

wow, I mean WOW. I just watched her "live birth" ad which is so unbelievably flawed I do not even know where to begin. Really, this is what you're using against Obama? Being pro-choice does not mean being okay with abortions being performed on someone who is heavily pregnant. Gianna Jessen, you should be disgusted at your mother who was too stupid to abort you earlier (you know, at 6 weeks, or 8, or hell, even 12) and the doctor who clearly has no moral code and was perfoming an illegal procedure.

This whole "born alive" crap is just that, total crap. I will need to check the law but weren't "partial-birth" abortions made illegal a long time ago (under George Bush)? An actual in-clinic termination done with a vaccum like device is rarely done after 16 weeks (certainly not after 20) so the chance of a living, breathing infant being born are none. A 20 week old foetus cannot survive outside of the womb: fact.

Perhaps I expect too much of people, but if you get pregnant and you decide you do not want to carry to term then have the common sense to "deal with it" before you are showing. This is not the middle ages. We know how we get pregnant, and how long pregnancy takes so any woman who waits until she is 20 weeks + to make that decision is so mentally limited she probably shouldn;t be permitted to have children anyhow.

And for the record, I am pro-choice, just not pro-stupidity or pro-murder. An illegal abortion performed on a mother carrying a 29 week old foetus is murder, and there are many people who should be ashamed but Obama is not one of them.

Tired and Hungry...

2008-10-01T20:31:00.001-07:00

...and my man won't stop watching Mad Money on CNBC. Yes, tomorrow could be black Thursday which is why I have a director doing the F&B shoot while I watch the stockmarket.

But right now, what I want is a burrito, a super baby burrito on a spinach tortilla with grilled vegetables to be exact.

And that is all I have to write!

Guilt Tripping into Donation Giving?

2008-09-27T09:20:00.000-07:00

Some of you may remember my post a couple of months back about how I was ending my contributions to Environment California (which I did). They called me about a week ago, which I thought was strange as I am not longer a contributing member but of course I should have realized that my name and number would be kept on file forever, and even sold to other charities so that I receive a mountain of mail asking for contributions to other causes...but, this is a side rant, and not why I am posting.

So, the topic of this call was that EC are trying to raise money to help promote Barack Obama in those 4 states that really decide the election. They want the money so they can send people door to door in those states and try to get people on board to vote for Obama. When I receive a call like this (at 9pm no less) I usually hang up very quickly. Do not call me, and intrude on my life...that is what I think of these cold callers, etc, they are intrusive. The e-mails I can loive with, even the paper mail (even though I find it hugely wasteful) but to phone someone or worse, knock on their door is just wrong. Soo anyway, I immediately said I was not interested to which the caller responded "So, you don't care about the environment?" with a judging tone in her voice. At which point I hung up...but it really pissed me off.

I realize we have been guilt tripped into donating money to worthy causes for years by seeing images of Katrina, and the famines in Africa, etc....but it's different because you see such images and feel awful for those people and WANT to help in any way you can...not necessarily because of guilt from having comfort in your life.

I really don't see how this bitch expected a positive reaction from someone with her judging tone and asshole question that was designed to enrage...I have to wonder if it works on other people? After I hung up I just thought, 1. I would never support the intrusive act of knocking on people's doors and 2. I have given hundreds of dollars to this organisation while being unemployed and unpaid and now this cunt suggests I don't care? The only thing she succeeded in doing is that I will never give to them again, ever.

"Who's Sarah Palin?"

2008-09-24T13:25:00.001-07:00

When these words came out of Harmony's mouth on set of http://www.chantasbitches.com the other day I almost fell over. We were shooting a classroom roleplay scenario where a slutty student (Harmony) overpowers her well dressed, prudish, milf looking teacher (Mya Nichole) and I suggested Harmony say "Why are you dressed like that, you look like Sarah Palin!", we started rolling and she began the sentence only to stop halfway and ask me who Sarah Palin is.

The scary thing is, Harmony is one of the most intelligent, level headed, well mannered and financially porn stars I have ever met (she is not ditzy at all) so for her not to know really makes me wonder about the rest of the girls. Eek!

Take care,
Chanta

Too Fucking Busy...

2008-09-15T18:49:00.001-07:00

Need to find time to post about the great time I had in London (http://www.lamskintwospecial.com) and also moan a bit about my workload currently, and celebrate that I just did what I am fairly certain will be my final shoot in front of the camera (although I hate to post about that because if I change my mind then I become one of those girls who retires, then un-retires, etc). Also planning a trip to Australia with hubby...amazing that this may actually happen but he said yes to the dates to my Mum on the phone and a son-in-law should never lie to his wife's Mother LOL so I am holding him to it!!!

LAM Skin Two Weekend

2008-09-05T17:31:00.000-07:00

So, I am currently in London. I arrive yesterday to have some "chill out" time and tomorrow the Skin Two expo begins which, this is year is being ran by Master Cosmic from the LAM (London Alternative Market). My workshops and demos are not until Sunday but I am sure I will be wandering around tomorrow before ducking off to Covent Garden for some "me" time later in the afternoon. I am on the hunt for gags. I am always on the hunt for gags. Finding good gags that fit females (models sized females) is like finding a needle in a haystack but when I do find them, I always find them in the UK.

I have been doing some serious soul searching of late. I have wanted to write about it, and then I have not. I feel a time of change is coming...for me. It is time to find the right people and get them running various sites at TF. My burn-out is beyond extreme at times, emotionally and physically. When your hands and wrists are in agony from rigging too much it may be time to find some people to do some of the rigging/directing for you LOL! Berlin will be back in Oakland next week directing a couple of scenes for http://www.captivemale.com which is always helpful.

Back to the soul searching. I think many things may have brought it on, but I keep coming back to...that I may have just seen one too many girls with the acne of a crystal meth user, one too many girls with a bad boyfriend or suitcase pimp, one too many girls that is getting fucked in the ass for a living but is too stupid to have health insurance (if you're reading this girls, you know who you are and yes, you are stupid), one too many girls that at the end of their "career" in adult are not well off financially, in their relationships or from an education point of view (ie. they don't know how to do anything else). Or maybe I've just had a bad bunch of girls lately....who knows, what I do know is developing such a moral conscience is probably not good for business. Respecting limits and safewords is a given, being nice to model is natural, feeling responsible for what they do with their cheque after they leave the studio is none of my business but the fact that so many waste it is playing on my mind of late.

Suitcase Pimp

2008-08-18T17:42:00.001-07:00

Those two words pretty much sum up today. In porn, we are a community of "no bodies", unfortunately many of the people in it think they are "somebody".

Thyroid...or lack thereof

2008-08-16T18:36:00.001-07:00

I am bad, very bad. I am what the doctors would call "non-compliant", what this basically means is that I do not take my prescribed medication correctly and I know it. My excuse? The very lame "I forget" which is actually true. What is also true is that even when I remember I rarelt take it correctly.

Not having a thyroid means taking my replacement hormone supplement every day, at the same time, on an empty stomach (for an hour). I have never been able to do that last part. I have to eat when I get up, even if it's something small. I also have to have a cup of tea with milk in it. Having dairy in your stomach completely makes the process of your body receiving the correct amount of hormone ineffective.

Now, I have never been good at taking daily meds, this is one of the many reasons I am not on the birth control pill but this is something my body needs, and the fact that in the last 3 months I have taken less than a third of what I am supposed is actually now starting to effect me a lot. Hubby pointed out to me today that I am sleeping between 11-14 hours a day. He's right, I am, and when I am not sleeping (like right now, after a 3 hour nap) I want to be. I could sleep all day and night and still feel drained.

I need a system. I also need to know if I am really doing any real damage to my body by being so careless. I don't do the same things at the same time every day. On 2 shoot days I am up at 6am. On other days I am so exhausted from the 2 shoot days I sleep in until 11am. Some days I take the ogs to the [ark first thing, other days it's the beach, other days I am travelling in Europe, etc. I am not making excuses now but when I try to think of something I do, every morning without fail, the only thing is peeing at around 6am when I wake up to pee. That's it. The rest of the time everything is different...but I need to start remembering to take this medication because I have a feeling this "non-compliance" of mine could actually kill me.

HD and Me? I don't think so!

2008-08-08T10:23:00.001-07:00

For the past week or so, we have been running tests with a HD camera over at the Factory and it looks like we have found the one we like...so this means, yes, http://www.twistedfactory.com is moving with the times adn upgrading to HD. I'll be blunt, what this means for me is a huge clusterfuck. Longer export times, longer encoding times, way longer upload times, etc. Gone are the days of being able to throw together an update the day before it's supposed to go live. This is pretty intimidating because I run 3 sites, and, as a rule that means 1 site, every week cuts it close to the update not being ready on time (but we've never missed one yet, and we've never been late). So why is 1 site the main stresser each week? Simple, for 1 person to run 3 siites is ridiculous, the workload is simply too much and with HD, it's not that the workload will increase, it's just that some things will take longer.

The other big change will be on http://www.chantasbitches.com where you will NOT be seeing me in HD. No, no, no way. I turned 30, and gained 30 lbs. I am close to being one of those girls that everyone is like "wow, is she still doing this, she's getting kind of old, fat, ugly, etc, etc". The difference is, those girls are still performing because they NEED to. That is, they have no money. Think of everyone you know and think of how many of them could have afforded to live well, completely unpaid for 3 years? People that can do that (as I did) have made some sensible decisions financially in their lives. Decisions I made when I was 19 and 20 were a total life saver at 27 when I lost my job, was illegal and had cancer, those same decisions still help me now at 30 when I pay myself a modest salary....but I could easily go another 3 years or more completely unpaid if I had to...without liquidating assets.

So, when you're in a situation like mine, generally you want to leave the "in front of the camera" part of the job behind when you're young and fresh and thin and beautiful. I could have pulled that off around 28, maybe 29. I'm a little behind at 30 but hey, I wanted to get a nice backlog of shoots (in standard definition!) to spread out on CB for the next year or so. Some members will miss me, some will not, I have trained some great Domina's to take my place so the bitches will continue to be slapped around and strapon fucked hard as they should be LOL!

And you never know, I need my fix of slapping bitches from time to time, so I may make some POV apprearances, the kind where you do not see my face body, and I don't have to keep wasting money and time on doing my make up, having my nails done and my hair highlighted.

Take care,
Chanta

Just Ramblings...

2008-08-07T10:27:00.001-07:00

It's been a while since I posted and that is really the only reason I am LOL! No ranting on US Immigration today LOL, as just last week I received my 10 year greencard...WooHoo!!!! I had to wait 5 months for it, on the USCIS it says the wait is 7-9 month so I didn't do too badly, and hopefully, with this valuable piece of plastic, I will not get haulled in Secoondary Inspection when I enter the country from now on. I am still not allowed to vote of course, something which, on a civil rights level fills me with fury but I have somewhat calmed down about this also. The Reason? In this next election I probably would not vote anyhow. When the choice is between a cheerleader and an old man I feel the country loses either way...but then, nothing could be worse than who we have right now (biting me tongue just in case McCain couold be worse).

Had Berlin up at the Factory this week. Her rigging/directing skills still need a lot of work but are coming along nicely. When you start directing there is a difficult balance to strike between creating dynamic content but not working beyond your, or the subs ability. On the CM shoot with Vin Deacon, she attempted an upside down suspension with the boot cuffs. Everything she did was correct and she was using the best tools for this kind of suspension but I don't think she thought about how a suspension on a 200lb male is very different to that of a 100lb Lexi Belle when all of the weight is put on 2 ankles. Anyway, he blew out of it (which is fine) but the end result, of course is lost time (the sub needs to relax and take a break after such an intense experience) and that mean sless footage, which means short video. Things like this will become more obvious in time and I am sure Berlin will keep directing for TF for a long time to come...actually, she's up here again next week! Oh, and the first shoot she ever directed for us is the latest update over at http://www.captivemale.com

I am waiting for new rope to arrive which I am very excited about. As a rule, all of my rope is from http://www.twistedmonk.com, not only is his product superior but he is probably the most likeable person in the entire BDSM community in the entire world. When my book was first being released and did not yet have distribution there was many a store that turned their noses up at it, not Monk, not only did he put the book on his site he also took 20 copies to Shibaricon which created great buzz. But anyway, Monk has been out of my rope for some time so I have ordered a small set from Claire Adams company http://www.vintagerope.com/ to tide me over and can't wait to get my hands on it!

So, there is my rambling nonsense post for the week.

The Train Wreck of Heidi Fleiss....

2008-07-28T11:47:00.000-07:00

Last night, while letting my brain rot watching mindless television, a documentary about Heidi Fleiss came on to HBO. I have alays been very interested in this woman and the way she started her career as a Madame, etc so I sat up to watch, what i thought would be a "getting her life back together after prison" story. Wow, was I wrong. atching this sho was like going past a horrific car accidnet that you don't want to look at but actually cannot tear your eyes away from.

Here is this woman, with no family or friends around her, in the middle of an isolated desert town surrounded by birds she inherited from another former madame who had recently died (also alone). Clearly she has drug habit, or mental illness caused by the trauma of prison, or possibly both. I think if I ever have children and I am trying to teach them "don't do drugs" I'll just show them some of the footage from this programme.

She reminded me of people I know, and have known in the sex industry: the one that came to mind the most was Kym Wilde. I don't know where she is now, and I hope by some miracle she has found a genuinely good man and has a functional relationship (actually, she was Marty's girlfriend before I came along LOL). That was what was the saddest part of this documentary (at least for me) was that some people will never have a strong bond with someone else, they'll never experience the closeness that can be shared between 2 people.

Bondage Workshops!

2008-07-13T15:42:00.001-07:00

It has been over a year since I last taught a bondage workshop or gave a private tutorial session. Things have been so hectic with Twisted Factory that teaching had to be put on hold.

While I am still not in a position to become a full time educator (actually I doubt I ever will be) I would like to do some teaching over the next 6 months. I will also be working on Volume 2 of Bondage for Sex and teaching really helps me understand what needs to be written about and how to clearly demonstrate how to do certain ties.

So, any venues out there that may be interested in having me come and teach please drop me a line at chanta@bondageexpert.com and let's try to work out the details (ie. travel arrangemnets and/or payment)! I am only able to do one east coast trip before 2009 so I am really hoping I make it out there (hint, hint Veronica Bound, get me some dates at Passional LOL!) if possible! I will also be teaching "mini" workshops at the Skin Two Expo in London, early Septmeber.

After this small teaching "comeback" LOL, I will not be holding workshops again until Bondage for Sex, Volume 2 is released, mid-late 2009.

Take care,
Chanta

Funny!!!

2008-07-13T08:45:00.001-07:00

I was just about to start booking the August schedule for TF (including the epic January, Satine, Berlin shoot) when I remembered, it's the Olympics!!! So, I quickly went online and looked up the times/dates of the swimming events I simply must watch (full list here: http://triresults.wordpress.com/2008/05/28/2008-beijing-summer-olympics-swimming-schedule/)

Sometimes porn must come second, but in swimming, I hope Australia comes first (Gold baby yeah!)

Take care,
Chanta

The Webmaster Hunt

2008-07-12T10:27:00.001-07:00

At the end of this month TF was about to begin training a new webmaster for www.fuckedandbound.com, this was to involve a training week in Oakland, followed by a 3 month trial if the training week went well.

Everything seemed to be going well, but things change and it now looks as if these plans have fallen through. This is stressful to me because we are starting a 4th site and I simply cannot run 4 sites. 3 is hard enough.

www.fuckedandbound.com is our biggest site, it is also our most expensive to run so it may not seem like the wise choice to give to someone else to take care of but the fact is, of our 3 sites, it is the one I least enjoy directing. I have always believed it to be crucial to the success of a site that the person running it be into the subject matter and although I like girls to be tied up and fucked by men, I simply have very little to no patience for male porn stars.

www.captivemale.com would be the easiest for me to find someone to run. Rigging men is a fantastic way to learn to be creative with limited means as most male subs are wimps in bondage (not you Rico!!!) and have little flexibility. I honestly believe if you can rig men, especially to suspension standard safely, you can rig anyone but I plan on keeping 2 sites to myself for the time being and giving up www.chantasbitches.com is not an option, and I like the variety of tying up the boys.

So, what skills does a webmaster need? On the technical level, these would be good:

1. Rigging! Yes, these are bondage sites, and as F&B is our biggest site I would like you to actually already be good at this, and of course, be safe also.
2. Video editing. We use final cut pro on Apple G5's. Photo editing. Photoshop baby! These skills can easily be taught.
3. Photo/Video shooting skills. We are a small company. If someone calls in sick one day we need people that can multitask and fill in. I also feel that, as a director, you get a lot more respect from your crew if you actually understand their jobs and be able to do it yourself if you had to.
4. Along with the above, having an understanding of lighting is also helpful.

But more important than all of the above are these traits:
1. Models must like you, and feel safe with you. I have no interest in anyone that will disrespect models limits or pressure models to do things they do not want to do. There is a misconception that in order to get great shoots you must beat the shit out of a model. It's simply not true. The talent is to be able to create awesome shoots with any girl/guy despit their fears, limits, pain tolerance, etc and then have them leave smiling and wanting to come back. Although this does not mean patty-cake shoots with loose rope, that is the quickest way for a bondage site to fail.
2. Creativity. In your rigging, your storyline shoots, your look for the site and the product you will create.
3. A good work ethic. Lazy people last 3 seconds with me, despite their skills.
4. Adapatability. Things are always changing here. You need to be able to change a shoot, etc as required by the models tolerance, etc. Change sets, due to the weather or something neediing repair, etc. Change the site you're directing for because the webmaster is sick and can't do it and by you filling in last minute you save the company kill fees.
5. Organisation skills. As a webmaster, it is your job to make sure updates are ready and go up on time, and that you have enough shoots "in the can" etc to have the site run smoothly.
6. Lastly, if you're a "know it all" then spare me the wasted time. No one knows it all. Everyone still has things they can learn.

Okay, this got a lot longer than it should have been, especially considering that it is not meant to be an offical "wanted" ad. I have deliberately not mentioned compensation here because a) we're not the glob and if you're expecting that kind of money to start here you're crazy LOL (though, in time I expect that will happen) and b) we're still figuring out our pay scales, etc.

This is a "feeler". If you think you may like to be considered then e-mail me chanta@twistedfactory.com and we can begin a dialogue. I would like to have someone in place by Feb, 2009 at the very latest.

On a lighter note...

2008-07-11T12:14:00.001-07:00

It was lovely to be told as we were landing that San Francisco is having a heat wave and that is was 81 degrees. London had been cold, rainy and windy for the most part, which i don't actually mind there because without that, it wouldn't feel like London!!!

Spending lots of time with Memphis (my dog) at the park and beach. I always realize, when in London, that I njever took advantage of the city while I was there. Now I have to fly 10 hours to check out a gallery, have afternoon tea at Harrod's, etc. I do not make that same mistake here. I regularly go to the beach, eat at great restaurants, walk through the park, etc. That's part of the joy of living in San Francisco and I make every effort to take advantage of it daily.

Take care,
Chanta

Back to work...almost

2008-07-11T06:37:00.001-07:00

Landed Wednesday afternoon and was welcomed back to this country by being hoarded off to secondary inspection by border control. I know I have ranted about this before but here goes again, do not read on if this will offend you but, FUCK YOU AMERICA! Seriously, what more do you want from me? I have the old passport with residency stamp, the new passport, the expired greencard, the original letter from USCIS saying the date on the card has been extended by a year, etc, etc...oh, and my husband, who also happens to be a US citizen is standing next to me (and just in case, I also have the marriage certificate in hand).

In the US, a person can basically buy their way in for $100,000(+). It's callled an E visa. This is when a person wants to start a business here and is willing to invest upwards of $100,000 into the US economy. Obviously, I am a greencard holder, not an E visa holder but to put things in perspective, I have contributed more than 10 times this amount to the economy (and that's just the house) as well as employing US citizens but I still get scrutinized. Thankfully Marty was with me because these situations with US immigration always make me nervous. They wanted to take my actual card off of me (not stop me from staying, just take the plastic) but I need that to travel, work, have a drivers license, etc until I get a new one so this would have caused me a lot of problems. Funny how saying I wanted to call my attorney before surrendering it had my passport stamped, back into the US, with greencard in hand. I have to remember, in the US, mentioning your attorney will get you everywhere.

So, this post no has nothing to do with work, which I should be doing right now (editing Bobbi Starr and daniel for CaptiveMale) but I want to make a bigger point about immigration in the US:

People come here with a dream. Regardless of where they come from, generally, I believe people come here in search of a better life; whether it be better education, more money to feed their family, a better busness opportunity, etc and although this may sound naive I truely believe that most people are honest and want to work to make a living (the foreigners). To come here, it is understood that there will be waiting, and inconvenience, and red tape. That's just the way it is, we weren't born here and we want to come here so jumping through hoops is expected, and patience is required. I am fine with all of that, and those American born reading this may think "Suck it up Sunshine" (LOL, I do) but there are some really traumatic moments in coming to this country and even when you are "legal" you still do not have the same human rights as others and the result of this is quite a simple; a resentment, possibly even a hatred for this country and this is huge problem. Now, instead of having immigrants here that are so happy to be trying to make their way in life and contribute to society you have people earning money here, not spending it here and sending it out, back to the country they may one day return to with US dollars in hand. Not good for the economy, for society, etc.

So what casues this "resentment":

1. Despite jumping through all of the hoops and doing everything correctly, and having all of the exact documentation with you, being taken into a waiting room to be grilled by border control as you return from vacation.
2. Point 1 is made worse when you (like me) pay huge amounts of tax, employ US citizens and own expensive property; in short, when you are making more of a contribution to the economy than 95% of citizens.
3. Having the required medical exam which is humiliating and involves personal questions, then being jabeed with 4 needles in the space of 30 seconds (despite the fact you can prove you've already had these vaccines and are trying to show this documentation, of course, you are ignored, you are on the conveyor belt of the "Welcome to America" wagon). Then you leave with a sealed envelope that you must forward to USCIS. The contents explain if the doctor feels you are of sound mind.
4. Being charged multiple times to have your fingerprints taken (it's not cheap, my fingers haven't changed and neither has the technology USCIS is using to capture them).
5. Last, but certainly not least. Finally, you are a tax paying, legal resident of the US using the same roads, schools, etc as everyone else, but no, you are not permitted to vote. To be happy (anywhere) people must feel that they can be part of a change...even if that is not the case with one single vote, it's the way it makes you feel inside. To deny this simple human right is to do the opposite and make those people feel like second class citizens. Yes, the IRS will take your money, yes, you must follow the las of this country, etc but no, you may not play any part in choosing it's leader.

Rant finished, going to edit.

Charity Woes LOL!

2008-07-10T11:50:00.001-07:00

Today I cancelled my monthly contribution of $20 to Environment California. It's not a huge amount that I give, but $240 a year from someone who did not earn an income for almost 3 years and even now, makes a very modest living as what II felt I could give. There are other causes I also donate to regularly and other organizations I like to support (mainly the arts) but if there is one thing that will make me cancel my donations immediately and forever it is spelling my name wrong or getting my gender wrong.

When I receive e-mails or letters about what the charity is working on addressed to Mr. Mynamespeltwrong I resent the contribution I make. After informing Environment California of this error in the spelling of my name more than a couple of times now I simply had enough. Funny, in Gordon Ramsay's book "Playing with Fire" he also says that when he considers the many charities that ask for his help any cover letter addressed to Mr. RamsEy is immeditaly thrown in the trash.

So, now I will contribute what may be considered a meagre amount (but a lot to me) to another charity. If anyone can recommend any other good organisation that deals with environmental issues that would be helpful. I already have cancer, human rights, sex slavery of children and a couple of others covered. Please do not suggest HIV/AIDS to me. This city already has plenty of people dealing with that one.

Take care,
Chanta

Fried Hitachi!

2008-07-07T07:39:00.000-07:00

I have been away for a couple of weeks now and rarely, when on vacation do I manage to write any journal entries, but his funny story is worth a posting!

So...I land in Rome and collect my luggage. I am well resed because Unied upgraded me to business class...woohoo! Marty's flight came in just 10 minutes later and we meet in baggage claim after not having seen each other for 11 days (he was shooing in Budapest).

After making our way to the hotel we both want to take a nap and have sex. Too tired for foreplay, out comes the magic wand. I always travel with voltage converters but the fact is, many items (laptops, phone charges, etc) are now able to be used worlwide with only an adapter for the kind of plug. Before leaving SF I had been unable to find my voltage converters so I came without them...but then Marty plugs in the magic wand...without checking if i can be used at 220 (US is 110) and it sarts vibrating super powerfully in his hand, for all of 3 seconds before it shuts off and the lights go out...not just in out room but on he entire floor of the hotel!!! LOL! A few minutes later, after hearing a couple of men run up he stairs, shouting at each oher in Italian the power to level 3 was restored!

The wand itself was completely fried so I threw it into the trash.

For Fuck$ $ake....

2008-07-03T08:54:00.001-07:00

Did the stock market really have to drop so dramatically while I am on vacation LOL!!! Couldn't it have waited until I was back in the US and in work mode with my computers in front of me? I just hate losing money I could have prevented losing....oh well, guess I'll have to make more porn....

Less than 48 hours....

2008-06-23T09:36:00.000-07:00

and I'll be on a plane to Rome! In only 9 hours I officially go on vacation from my staff, etc. They all know as of 6pm tonight I am not to be bothered with anything other than a complete emergency and even then, they should go to Tony first!

Amazing!

2008-06-15T16:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, hubby bought me 5 pairs opf socks from REI. The cheapest pair was $8, the most expensive was around $12. I never buy socks, and when I do it is the 3 pair for $5 kind. I was down to my last pair of socks and because I only had one pair left I was wearing them 7 days in a row until they were really gross, then washing them and wearing them for another week LOL!!! So anyway, I have these new socks, socks which, when hubby bought them for me I was yelling and screaming about wasting so much money on socks but today, I am wearing my first pair and I have to say; it's like being reborn. These expensive socks are amazing!! My feet are warm but not sweaty. My arches are supported, my heel and ball of foot areas are nicely cushioned. I have never, in my life, worn such nice socks.

The word "Disease"

2008-06-12T17:46:00.001-07:00

I was waiting in line at Safeway today with groceries when I picked up a gossip mag and started flipping through. I fell upon an article about Tatum O'Neil and how she was saying that her children know she is not a bad person but that she has a disease that she is trying to beat. Of course, her "disease" is drug addiction.

Now, before anyone rips into me about this I want to explain that I commend people who face their addictions and fight them, recover from them, etc, whether it be drugs, alocohol, sex, shopping or maybe even porn, and I would also agree that it is an illness but using the word "disease" is just too much for me. Many of these addictions are started by bad decision making at some point whereas someone who wakes up one day and the left hand side of their body is paralysed because of a tumor the size of an egg in their head really didn;t do anything except live their life and BAM, one day they have a disease that could kill them through no fault of their own.

Now yes, there are diseases that people get from their lifestyles; lung cancer from smoking, diabetes from a huge sugar intake, cerosis of the liver from drinking, HIV fron intrvenous drug use or unsafe sex, etc, etc but I still feel these awful illnesses do earn the word "disease".

I suppose my question is, while I feel that addiction is an illness, and is certainly not an easy thing to beat or recover from, is it a disease? I just can't bring myself to say it is. I have a huge amount of sympathy for people that are diseased (admittedly, mainly cancer, but that was always the case, even before I had it) and I do not feel the same sympathy for someone who drinks their life away, etc.

When my parents separated my Dad gave my Mum $1.8 million dollars. He bought her a business to make herself self sufficient (a business she wanted) and kept her on an income of 52k annually while my brother was under 18 years of age. She bought a house ($400,000) and put the other $1.4 million into slot machines in less than 2 years. She now struggles financially. My Dad still helps her despite the fact they have been separated since 1996 and she receives guidance from Gamblers Anonymous. I am happy she found help but I just can't feel the sympathy for her that I have for say, my friend Heaven Lee who had cervical cancer and after 6 months of chemo and radiation and a full hysterectomy was given the all clear only to be diagnosed with brain cancer one week later and died shortly after. She was 26 years old.

But you know what, maybe I am just a big square. I don't drink (at all), smoke, do drugs (except those I have to take to keep me alive), gamble, spend beyond my means and am in a monogamous relationship....but, yes, I do make some dirty as fuck porno, and some people, my own Father included would have preferred I had any of the addictions listed above than make adult movies or be into bondage.

Ugh!

2008-06-05T08:53:00.001-07:00

I am so over being in front of the camera. I shot with Adrianna Nicole yesterday who I have known for years and is one of my all time favorite girls to work with (not to mention also one of my closest friends) and I just could not gte motivated. As soon as I start applying the make up to my face I feel as if the life is being sucked out of me. Usually I can pull it together and still do a great shoot but yesterday, I really wasted a great girl....did some cool breast bondage though. I really need to prepare myself to shoot these days...I am a far cry from the 25 year old that used to sit at my desk at the glob topless while I edited LOL.

There's a lot of pressure on me right now. Everyone wants to be a webmaster...and if they feel they can't/won't/don't want to get a job you know where then they come to us at TF. In a way it's great because we get brought new site ideas, we meet some talented people, etc but in other ways it is a lot of work for me. Hiring a webmaster is not just "here you go, run this site", it's also making sure you have enough crew, you have ways of shooting multiple sites at the same time...and you have the funds to have all of this happen.

The biggest decision of all is if we will allow a webmaster or director to work remotely. We have been chatting with a great rigger in Germany for some time now who would like to create a site for us. I love that this would mean an untapped model pool, and different shooting locations to our existing studio but it also worries me greatly. How would we quality control? Would he have editors, etc out there or would the media come here for editing/encoding? Would we give him a set amount of $$$ to spend on shoots (including his fee) or would we put him on salary and give him a company credit card. I could go on and on....

A tattoo of me!

2008-05-25T23:32:00.000-07:00

Not sure if I have written about this before or not, but as I was just cleaning out my myspace inbox and came across it again I thought I'd post some thoughts.

About a year ago I got a message on myspace from a guy saying he was a fan and asking if he could add me as a friend, etc. Just a nice straight ahead note that was not sleezy or creepy at all which is good because I'm not such a fan of receiving those LOL! But anyway, in the message he wrote he has a tattoo of me on his ribs. This fo course peaked my interest so I went to his myspace page and checked out the pics and yep, sure enough, there I am on this guys body!!! I remember feeling a full rollercoaster of emotion: first off flattery, then disbelief, then humor, then spooked, then intrigue, etc. I know a lot of people tattoos but I have never really seen one of a specific person before....and if I ever did I would assume people would choose someone either really famous, someone they love (spouse) or someone well respected in history (like Albert Einstein)....and how could someone ever decide who to have on their body forever? One great thing about this though is that I am forever young on his body. This picture was taken by Hywel Phillips of Restrained Elegance at least 7 years ago.

The 300 Party!!!

2008-05-24T09:05:00.001-07:00

No, it has nothing to do with the movie...it has to do with www.twistedfactory.com reaching 300 shoots!!! Actually, by the time we had the dinner and party we had reached 305 but hey, who's counting...oh, we are!!! So, to celebrate, Tony and I took the TF crew out to Cha Cha Cha in the Mission for drinks, food, stories, etc. When we booked it I totally forgot it was only 6 blocks from the dark glob headquarters so that was funny.

This pic was taken after dinner, from left to right is: Rick (who photographed CB for almost a year as a favor to me when we first started), Me (yep, I was not born with make up), Berlin (the CB resident bitch and TF resident fister), Tony (CEO), Justin (videographer extraordinaire), Shalom (Rick's assistant and good friend to us all), Mylinh (Tony's sexy wife). Our set builder Jesse (aka Daddy) didn't make it until much later and our programmers were also not there because this was more of a crew celebration. 300 shoots full of rope, bodily fluids (some tasty, some not so tasty), forced orgasms, floggings, big tits, little tits, etc, etc, etc.

Here's to another 300!!!

Take care,
Chanta

FetishCon vs Olympic Games

2008-05-17T09:49:00.000-07:00

Many people (models, members, etc) have been asking/e-mailling me about if I will attend FetishCon this year. I actually thought I might, it has been 2 years since I attended and I always have a great time there but then I realized the clash of dates with the 2008 Olympic Games....see, I am an Olypic Games addict...I love them so much. Especially the swimming (of course, I'm Australian and I was also trained for the 1996 Olympics in butterfly), the rowing (something I also did in school) and the Equestrian. I feel a huge amount of joy when I see any Australian athlete take gold.

My true love for the games actually began in 2000. My Dad forked out thousands of dollars for us all go to go (Sydney) and I was sitting only 11 rows from the front for the Opening Ceremony, etc. It was probably the greatest moment of my life. I never had that pride for my country the way Americans do but at that moment I was so happy to be Australian. Ever since, I have been hooked.

So, I will not be attending FetishCon this year...but probably will in 2009. If I can get my shit together and stop spending so much time on the porn (which should be possible now that we're hiring webmasters) then I may even have Volume 2 of Bondage for Sex ready.

Take care,
Chanta

Sunday Night Blues....

2008-05-11T19:59:00.000-07:00

I am stressed out. I had a really nice day actually. Did very little Twisted Factory work, had a lovely Mother's Day brunch with the family, hung out at the in-laws place after that, played with Memphis (my dog) in the park. All in all, it had been a pretty good day, everything for this weeks site updates is pretty much ready to go so that's always a huge relief...and then I received an e-mail that sent me into a high strung headspin like I have not felt in quite some time. My head is still spinning, I need a cup of tea.

Love in a time of Cholera

2008-05-10T12:32:00.001-07:00

Brillant, brillant, brillant.

I have always loved the book and when I sa the movie being released I was worried. Many a great book have been slaughtered once optioned and this book is just far too precious to be destroyed by the big screen.

I held off on seeing it at the cinema, and recently rented the DVD. I LOVE it. What a fantastic adaptation of a classic and the casting was just too perfect for words. It has been over 10 years since I vistied Cartegena, Columbia and I am now desperate to return to this magical place. I've watched the movie twice now, and I am trying to get hubby to watch it with me now before sending it back to netflix.

take care,
Chanta

The weight of the world....

2008-05-04T12:21:00.001-07:00

Is on my shoulders, or is that on the base of my skull and neck? Who knows but what I do know is that I am in some intense pain right now. Doctor's appt at 2pm...which I am sure will just end in a vicodin prescription and a neck brace of some kind....massage appt at 4:30pm which may confirm what I think the problem is: I am stressed, and I am carrying that stress in my neck and shoulders. There may also be a practical problem too: my hair is just too long now. I don't want to cut it but it is so heavy....a foot or so would probably really help the tension on my neck and I could still wear my bun (husband loves my bun!).

Editing the Porno!!!

2008-04-15T09:42:00.001-07:00

The last few weeks have been crazy hectic but then, when is that not the case in my life? There was a couple of dates that were signifigant also.

April 5th marked 4 years since Marty proposed to me at the Tickle Pink Inn in Carmel. We drove down on Friday (04/04), getting some breakfast at the 3 Zero Cafe on the way (it's a cool little place next to an airstrip) and then spent the night in a gorgeous suit with jacuzzi and fireplace overlooking the cliffs and ocean. On 04/05 we explored Monterey a little bit. We did not go to the aquarium this time because it was a weekend and we knew it would be full of screaming kids!

April 11th marked D-day...which to me is of course the day I as canned over at the dark glob. I got a little upset the night before but the day itself passed by without me even thinking about it. I had 2 Chanta's Bitches shoots ith Amber Rayne that day so I as able to keep very busy. It was also the first real hot day of the year which meant we were going to have a beautiful weekend in SF! Don't think that I am not still hurt. There is a loss inside me that I doubt will ever be filled...sometimes it's rage, sometimes it's sadness, sometimes it is even relief....but thankfully it is no longer depression. Other emotions I can compete with but depression just knocks me on my ass in every way.

This week is all about editing and trying to relax. When I have been shooting too much I start to lose my patience with models...well, the difficult ones at least. Instead of being able to ask every 5 minutes "are you okay honey, is this okay?", I just stop asking....and instead of being the caring director I usually am to models I become a director focused on nothing but getting the product we need. Friday was my last day of shooting until Tuesday next week....10 days off of shooting! Woohoo!!!

Generation "Me"

2008-03-30T16:35:00.001-07:00

Wow, I just ordered a stack of stuff from Amazon. A couple of DVD's I have wanted for a while ("Kissed" and "Atonement"), along with several books on how to understand, hire and manage members of Generation Y and Z. I am, of course a member of Generation X but I have many old fashioned views when it comes to "making a living". I have always had a strong work ethic and money was pretty much always enough of a motivation for me, because I could do everything I wanted to do in life, if I had the money to do it. Things seem different now. There is this huge sense of "entitlement" that I have no understanding of.

A few months ago I had to "let go" (why do people say that? It's called FIRING.) the TF PA. He was a really nice guy who kind of fell into the job through a friend at a time when the company was just starting to shoot up here (instead of LA). While he could be very helpful, he was also a big pain in the ass and made some huge mistakes that I felt I was very tolerant of not to fire him a lot sooner, but really, the point of this blog is not him. It is more about how I felt I could not understand him. Technically, he was a member of generation X, but his attitude was much more Generation Y....and so far my interpretation of the next generation is that they are lazy, entitled, expect instant gratification...thus are impatient, and have many traits similar to that of a narcicist. Wow, do I feel old posting this or what!!! Mind you, these traits have also made it very easy for me to Dominate those younger than myself LOL!

So....knowing I will be hiring memmbers of the next 2 generations within TF, I really need to learn effective ways to manage them and reward them. Money doesn't seem to be enough. Google rewards it's employees by having them work a 4 day week. Yes, they attend 5 days a week, but every Friday it is "do what you want" day where they make use of Google's resources to work on other projects, etc. Of course, Google can afford to do this.

What I do not want to do though, is what many corporations feel "builds teams" which is compulsary dinners and retreats, etc. Sorry, but the second you make it mandatory it becomes work, not a reward. So, this post is me venting, as well as asking for suggestions. If you're young (born after 1982) please reply and let me know what would make you happy in your job, aside from income, and if you're older and work with younger people please comment with any problems you have had and how you have solved them.

Take care,
Chanta

Geting Bigger...

2008-03-28T17:08:00.001-07:00

Lots of things going on at the Factory of late, most of them wouldn't really be that interesting to the porno fan so I haven't bothered to write about them here but they are actually big events in regards to my small business. Eg. My first payslip!!!! Starting in January I began receiving a modest salary from Twisted Factory. Up until that point the company had been purely a labor of love with Tony and I choosing to start new sites, get a studio, etc rather than take payment for our efforts. Now it is really nice that we can do all of that and get paid a little something!

Our staff needs are rapidly growing. I'm about to start advertising for 3 new people from PA, to videographer, to art dept, to even maybe a webmaster. 3 sites is a lot...and we want to start more so I either need people to run them or someone that could at least take one of the existing ones off of my hands so I can start a new one.

As a result of the growing staff, we are also moving offices. Within the next couple of months we hope to have a fully kitted out office space within our studio building. We will be scrapping the asylum set and making that the main post-production area as it has the bathroom and kitchen next to it which is ideal for staff...and far enoigh away from most of our shooting sets that noise hopefully won't be an issue. I love working from home in SF, but I do not love my house having people in it every day.

So, there is the boring Twisted Factory update...sorry there wasn't any talk of fisting, fingering or fucking!

Take care,
Chanta

Text of the day!!!

2008-03-22T10:01:00.001-07:00

This is from a couple of days back after a shoot, one of the models sent me this:

"The stink of shit still infects my nasal passages"

Then, a couple of days later I get this:

"After several douches with saline solution I am happy to announce that my normal sense of smell has returned"

So fucking funny!!!! Of course members, do not worry, you will never know which shoot we had a little mess on, because that is the power of editing!

take care,
Chanta

Quote of the day!!!

2008-03-19T21:17:00.001-07:00

I was chatting with Britney Stevens before her shoot and I had told Berlin she could stay and watch if she wanted. I was jokingly explaining our friendship to britnet when I said:

"She's like my period, I see her once a month and she puts me in a bad mood"

Berlin burst out laughing and said she feels the same way about me....we certainly have one weird relationshop LOL!!!

take care,
Chanta

Biometrics....

2008-03-14T16:05:00.001-07:00

I just got back from the USCIS (INS) where I had my fingerprints taken again....you see, I did this 2 years ago and maybe I am wrong but do fingerprints change? I know that when I found out I had to do them again I was very tempted to hack at one of my fingers just to have it be different but that kind of thing may put me on a terrorist list or something...oh, and did I mention, that to have this done again costs $485. For me to have my time wasted giving Immigration something they already have and I get to pay for the pleasure.

On the back of my appointment notice it states very clearly that having this appointment does not give me any rights or grant me status...nice, I pay more tax than 95% of American's but I get to be illegal while I wait for the USCIS to get to my application for a new greencard...the wait is currently 7-9 months. My drivers license expired the same day as the DMV will only grant you ID for your legal stay here....so I guess I'll keep paying tax, keep owning property in the US, keep driving without a US license, keep employing American citizens in my company and of course, keep being happpily married to my US citizen husband while I am actually unable to prove my own legal presence because I am in limbo.

Gggrrrrrr.....

AVN Story on our "All In" Memberships!

2008-02-22T15:23:00.000-08:00

Check it out at AVN

Slavery

2008-02-18T10:51:00.000-08:00

I saw this posted on the TTOO forum and just loved it...so I am pasting it here for everyone to read!

slavery is not about suffering...... slavery is about service.
slavery is not about humiliation. ... slavery is about humility.
slavery is not about pain..... slavery is about being present.
slavery is not about being used...
... slavery is about being of use.
slavery is not about control...
... slavery is about letting go.
slavery is not about what is done to you...
... slavery is about what you do for others.
slavery is not about abuse...
... slavery is about acceptance.
slavery is not about proving anything...
... slavery is about being real.
slavery is not about contempt...
... slavery is about respect.
slavery is not about how you look...
... slavery is about how much you care.
slavery is not about denying yourself...
... slavery is about being open.
slavery is not about bondage...
... slavery is about freeing your spirit.
slavery is not about punishment...
... slavery is about discipline.
slavery is not about being unable to escape...
... slavery is about being committed.
slavery is not about submission...
... slavery is about obedience.slavery is not about fear......
slavery is about trust....
slavery is not about sex...
... slavery is about love.
slavery is not about pleasure...
... slavery is about happiness.

Broken Arm...

2008-02-18T09:48:00.001-08:00

Hubby called me last night with bad news, he had a fall while going over a jump snowboarding and has broken his wrist. I'm not exactly sure how bad it is yet, he went to the clinic on the mountain and they x-rayed, splinted, etc but now he's on his way home and then we'll be off to Kaiser.

Normally when hubby goes snowboarding he takes vicodin with him. I give him a bottle of pills because I worry about his older brother. I always think he will be injured (he's a dare devil!) but this year he didn't go so I forgot to give Marty the vicodin...I bet he would have needed it last night. I doubt plain old tylenol would have taken much of the edge off of the pain.

I hope he's okay, I just want him to be home....

Gold Membership Available for Twisted Factory Sites!!!

2008-02-13T16:11:00.000-08:00

Yep, 3 sites, 1 price!

We've been working on this for a while now as we know many of our members join multiple sites of ours....but hey, if you're only into 1 of the sites, you can still join that on it's own! As we develop more sites they will also be added to this "Gold" membership!

Check it Out!!!

Take care,
Chanta

Where to move to?

2008-02-06T18:07:00.001-08:00

I told hubby many months ago that if McCaiin were to become President we would have to leave the country....but I never even really expected him to become the republican candidate...I guess I was wrong....and I am skeptical about the Democrats being able to win the Presidential election....

The fact is, I will stay here...I could never put my dog through the 6 month quarantine required to go back to Oz or the UK....and I love my dog more than anything!

So, instead, I suppose I will have front row seats in watching the US become even more hated by the rest of the world....and before anyone comments, they do not hate "us" for our freedom or democracy at all. They hate "us" because we rule with an iron fist....

Ugh....but at least I can make really dirty, edgey porno here. That's not something I could get away with many places....

The Bishop Bondage Test!

2008-01-22T23:04:00.000-08:00

Your Bishop
Bondage Position

Yes, this frame hangs you in just the right position, doesn't it? And just look how accessible it makes all your body.

How would you be tied up?
Take the Bishop Bondage Test
(only 4 questions)

A Whole Lot of Anal?

2008-01-19T20:34:00.001-08:00

What's up with all the girl/girl ass fucking lately? LOL! I never thought I woul;d tire of fucking girls asses but I have to say, I am craving some pussy strapon sex because lately, all I fuck is asses!!!

Quote of the Day!

2008-01-18T14:39:00.001-08:00

This is from a shoot yesterday. The model filled in at the last minute but as she is not currently on birth control she asked the shoot be condom only. Generally at TF we do not use condoms...I hate condoms and feel they have no place in pornography but I also do not want a "porn conception" on my conscience and the model was doing a huge favor for me by filling in.

Anyway, we let the male talent know and give him some crown condoms. These are the pinkish/flesh colored kind that are less obvious on film, all condom friendly porn companies have them and the male talent says to me, irritated:

"They're not even Magnum's, don't you have Magnum's?"

(FYI: Magnum's are the large condoms for very well hung guys)

My reply:

"When you have a Magnum sized dick I'll get Magnum sized condoms"

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!

A waste of DL...

2008-01-09T20:08:00.001-08:00

Ugh, nothing quite sucks the life out of you like a couple of bad shoots. For the person writing the cheques (ie. me) it is even worse when you are not the one in those shoots because I am free talent.

I had Dragonlily out for a couple of days of shooting before she takes a year off from the industry and really wanted to get some good Dom scenes with her. She is awesome but of course, the Dom is only half of the equation. If the sub sucks then the shoot may also suck, it is very hard work for a Dom to be able to save a shoot alone. What's most annoying though is that I should have known. I had a lot of trouble booking talent due to the AVN show in Vegas so I decided to try a pretty local girl. Her application said she was very experienced and a pain slut but when I spoke with her on the phone I started to think that was perhaps not true. At the shoot she walks on to set with a wig. I HATE FUCKING WIGS! if you don't want to be recognized then don't do porn...not to mention the fact that the pics she applied with did not show a wig. Anyway, DL is here so I suck it up and we start to shoot...and this girl sucks. I am tying her loosely and shes saying it's too tight. We then find out she has never been tied up at all (um, remember she said she was experienced) and really can't take more than a ligh deer skin flogging (yeah, real pain slut). So we end the shoot 2 hours early. Honestly, when a shoot is shit and the footage is shit it really doesn;t matter if you shoot for 20 minutes or 4 hours...shit is shit.

This morning for Captive Male we had a new sub. Nice guy, no deoderant. I fucking hate that. I know his armpit smell is going to stay on my ahdns and my rope...so I switch to my crappy old rope!!!! The scene is going okay until the strapon. He warms himself up with a dildo and then I put him the loosest half crab tie ever and DL goes to work. We wait FOREVER to get the tip of our second smallest cock in him and he is making such a big deal out of it. Now look, I understand...I don't really like big hard things in my butt either but then I am not agreeing to do it by accepting a shoot where it has been made very clear this is not negotiable. I can see his face looking at me hoping I will say we can simulate or just end early, etc and I am really so sick of this shit with some of the male subs. As always, in a shoot with a sub that sucks I am trying everything I can to make it better. More lube, taking away any pain play, etc, etc and when I ask if there is anything more I can do he says "Ugh, I'm really uncomfortable, etc"...normally when i hear this I am able to bite my tongue. Today i did not. I replied "It's a bondage shoot, what did you expect?". Did I mention that the bondage was a loose wrist to ankles tie on a nice soft mattress??? Really, have I ever let any of the female subs have it that easy for anal? I think not.

This afternoon was Carmen. A girl I had a funny feeling about. I read Matt's write up of her over at the dark glob's Hogtied and could tell she must have hated the shoot. So when LA Direct recommended her for the shoot I was skeptical. I asked them to double check she was okay with girl/girl bondage, etc and they said it was all fine/ She shows up...and tells me she's booked as the Dom! Um, no. The look on her face when i describe the bondage to her says it all. This shoot is going to suck. To be fair, she is beautiful and gave it her best try but the fact is, had she known what the shoot was (as she should have) she would not have accepted it. We finished half way in.

So, all in all, for 4 DL shoots, the 3 above were shit, shit, shit....and that sucks, sucks, sucks.

Oh well, you win some, you lose some. I guess I just have to hope, in a years time she does return to the Twisted Factory to dominate some bitches for me!

take care,
Chanta

Have you heard of Recycling????

2008-01-02T15:27:00.001-08:00

The other day I had a new PA working on set. It was quite a big shoot (big meaning multiple models, expensive and long) so I wanted to be well staffed. My videographer had a friend from Florida visiting that used to work for Score group so he came to help out which was great and much appreciated. Throughput the day/shoot, I gathered up bottles, cans, etc as I usually do and sat them next to the trash container on set so that they can be put into the recyclying bin at the end of the day. As the end of the day approached I noticed that all of the cans, etc were now in the trash can, mixed in with the dirty baby wipes, etc. I immediately ask in a bitchy tone "Who put the recycling in the trash?" and the PA replies, genuinely surprised, "wow, you recycle?". I say "yes, it's my planet too" and start weeding through the trash filled with bodily fluids to once again separate the trash from the recycling. Once placed in a bix paper bag I ask the PA to take it downstairs and put it in the big bins. The larger of which is for recyclables. Again, he is amazed...how could that larger of the 2 garbage bins be for recycling? My videographer explained to me later that that is just the way it is middle America. It's all trash, it all get's thrown out in the same place, only hippies recycle, etc, etc.

WOW! I am so shocked. I have been recycling in Australia since I was 5 (not that Australia is that great, just like the US, Oz has not signed on to Kyoto) and considering how wasteful we (all) are I think it is a very small thing that we could all do to make a difference, and it isn't even close to how much we should all be doing. I was just floored that in this "1st world" country there are places that still do not recycle as common practice.

Take care,
Chanta

Exhausted!

2007-12-30T13:25:00.001-08:00

Ugh, just woke from a 13 hour sleep...mmmm, I love good long sleeps...I hate that I have to induce them with a pill but after 4 days of not sleeping I gave in. I was still reeling from the Cb shoot with Berlin and Sabrina and I knew that would mean laying in bed for hours rethinking parts of the shoot over and over again, then stressing about when to edit it and put it on site, etc. This always happens after a shoot I know has pushed the limits of bdsm porn and will truely go down as one of rthe best on site. It's hard to come down from that high.

I'm not going to share a whole lot about the shoot with you all because I want it to be a surprise BUT, Berlin did fist Sabrina's pussy....pretty fucking cool!

take care, Chanta!

Xmas tensions run high...

2007-12-23T19:02:00.000-08:00

Just got home from doing some last minute shopping downtowna and from almost getting in a fist fight at Walgreens. Marty and I were waiting in line to pay for some wrapping paper and this woman in front of him starts saying to him "can't you control yourself?"...it was weird, she seemed to just be a chatty, crazxy person or something, perhpas even flirting but then she started to make comments about him losing his happiness and making racuial comments about black people. At first I was just standing back because I thought, okay, here is this eastern eurpoean chick who is a little screwed up on something but once she started commenting the "brown's" (ie. African American's) things started to get tense. There was 2 teenage girls next to me of African American descent and they're looking at me like "did she just say that?". Then she stepped things up, she started saying things like "I know you want to hit me but you can't because of the cameras, I'm a genius, etc" and I stepped in, this bitch was now pissing me off and her racial comments and comments that I took at directed at America were offensive. I am not American but I choose to live here and pay taxes here. There are many things I loathe about this country but never in my right mind would I start some crazy, provoking rant about to a stranger in a busy walgreens because some xmas paper accidently touched my back. I am a guest here, and with that comes tolerating certain things i do not agree with/like and accepting that until I am a citizen I will not be able to do anything to help change them (ie. vote). Anyway, now I am up in this bitch's face, telling her if she does not like America or American's she should leave...and that i am going to punch her face in. It was funny to see how quickly she toned down her talk...but damn, as she left the store it took everything in me not to grab her ponytail and drag her down the street. My blood is still boiling. It was just one of those freak Xmas situations with a crazy person...a crazy person who needed a good fucking slap, but nevertheless a crazy person.

Wow, I am now really missing the chilled atmosphere of Kaua'i.

Leaving Kauai...I'm sad....

2007-12-22T11:00:00.000-08:00

After a week long adventure of sun, kayaking, swimming, good food, fruit that rivals the quality of Australia (and shits all over everywhere else) and QT (quality time) with my hubby I really don't want to head home just yet. Justin (my editor) has been house-sitting in SF so the dog is happy and all of the updates are edited that I asked him to do so the world seems to be running pretty smoothly without me!!!

Take care,
Chanta

Madison Young...A Switch????

2007-12-09T17:40:00.001-08:00

Woe, just got home from shooting a Captive Male scene with Madison Young, Bobbi Starr and Wild Bill and I have to say, Madison can certainly bring the pain and dominance to a scene...it was actually kind of weird to watch. Now Bobbi, I have always known could bring it but usually when I book Madison for one of these shoots it is for her to be the sex slave, assistant to the Domme, or the service top...not actually to "Dom" the guy herself but damn, she has quite the sadistic side to her...I'm impressed.

Surprise, Surprise...

2007-12-05T21:44:00.000-08:00

LOL, someone who is posting anonymous asshole comments on my lj happens to be doing it from the IP address of the dark glob:

208.80.184.54 US UNITED STATES CALIFORNIA SAN FRANCISCO CYBERNET ENTERTAINMENT LLC

aka: Kink

Pretty lame....

Anyway, I am open to criticism, etc...that's why I have a blog that I seem to share far too much on, but if there is one thing I hate it's people hiding behind anonymity...seriously, get some balls.

Take care,
Chanta

I love Chapel St!

2007-11-29T02:58:00.001-08:00

Had a really nice day today doing one of my favorite things here: going to Chapel St and enjoying the shopping, restaurants and cafes! Mum and I had lunch at Chapelli's which i just love...if you ever feel the need for a steaming bowl of pasta at 3am in Melbourne then this is the place to go. Then I did some shopping and got a couple of dresses...one really nice one for Xmas at the in-laws. I didn't expect to buy much (and honestly, I didn't...a usual shopping spree for me on Chapel St is around $3000 in one afternoon) because all of the fashion here right now is for Summer, and as much as I love it it is just pointless to buy cothes I will never get to enjoy living in SF...so I was a very sensible...and even found a gorgeous little wool dress perfect for the chilly city!!1

My trip is almost over...in less than 48 hours I'll board the plane back to the USA. I have really had a great time but I have to say the timing is perfect. 6 days here was great. My only regret is Marty not being here with me...I've been calling him at least daily to tell him I miss him and wish he was here....plus I love the corny tourist shit like feeding kangaroos, etc but I won't do that stuff alone.

Take care,
Chanta

Ugh, Fucking Parents

2007-11-27T19:13:00.000-08:00

Sometimes kids need to learn lessons the hard way...don't trust your parents with your money, investments, etc. A year and a half ago I moved all of my ASX investments to an etrade account. As I do not live in Australia all of my mail would go to my Dad's house (mmm, does this sound familiar, my credit card going to my Mum's...). I own blue chip shares that i do not study, I hold on to them for years so this acount was set up and basically left to sit just as I wanted it to be. Over the past year, I have occassionally checked on the share price of some of the stocks I own and I certainly made a good investment in MAH...so goood in fact that i decided I would probably selll while out here this time after having doubled my money.

So, imagine my surprise when I log on to etrade and see that I own no MAH at all...actually I sold them back in April, 2006 for 0.81 cents (now they're $1.85)...now, instead my money is in ARQ who i have never fucking heard of...and who I might add is fucking TANKING. Thanks Dad. I know you thought you were helping but you just cost me thousands of dollars and guess what, just like your ex-wife you coommitted fraud. You never asked me if you could sell my shares, you were never supposed to be logging into MY etrade account at all.

I am really, really fucking mad.....

Anyway, lesson learnt. I should have known not to trust my slot machine addict mother with my mail but I thought I was safe with my multi-millionaire father. Guess not.

Past Love is a Strange Thing...

2007-11-27T16:55:00.001-08:00

One of the main reasons I am out in Australia this week is to clear out the room in my Mum's house where I have been storing my shit foor the past 14 years. This is basically sentimental things mixed in with old clothes and home appliances that I had here when i used to think I would move back. Since officially leaving Australia as my residence in early 1998 I think it is now safe to say that I do not need to keep my microwave, etc and even if I was ever going to move back it would be time to buy a new one LOL!!!

As I go through archive boxes of ornaments and photos it is almost like watching someone else's life. There are things I want to keep but they are also things I do not want to ever have in my US home. For example, my wedding album from my first marriage...back when I was a 19 year old saying yes to any guy that asked. The 4 years I spent with Garry were fine. He was a nice guy, head over heels in love with me and I was a workaholic supporting him and resenting paying for his trips around the world with me...because he could not bare for me to travel alone. I do regret losing those 4 years but at the same time he was a very nice man that genuinely wanted me to love him....I just wasn't able to, no matter how hard I tried. So, for the lack of love I showered him with gifts and overseas trips. Seeing photos from them is strange, as I feel no emotional connection whatsoever, just as I never did during our marriage, yet I will not thorw the pictures away.

Then I came across a small collection of photos and e-mails from Rory. Rory was mt boyfriend just before I moved to London...he movied to Scotland and I moved to London around the same time and we attempted to continue the courtship. My idea of that was complete loyalty and his was to cheat on me with every scottish lass he could find. As I had never been monogamous oin my life I would have normally been fine with this except that he did it behind my back....and I was in love with him. So I'm sitting here reading e-mails where his words of affection are "I really miss having sex with you"" and "When i think of you I remember a cleanly shaven nymph with the personality of 2 that would fuck me stupid like no one I have ever known" and it still affects me now. Not because I still love him but because I remember feeling like, hey, I'm in love with you...you as a person, and you are in love with my body and my sex drive....and then I would feel like an object. Objectificatoon may be a huge fetish for some, I even like inflicting that feeling on my bitches at times but to me it was very upsetting.

Sex may be the way many relationships start, and I will always agree that it is important but for some it does not turn into more. Marty and I certainly started all about sex but there is no way that because of the great sex that he would take care of me after the 2 cancer operations and through my years of (continuing) depression at what the dark glob did. Thank god I have more than just great sex (although that is awesome too).....

Down Under!

2007-11-26T19:57:00.001-08:00

Writing from my Mum's house in Melbourne. Usually when I'm out here I feel suffocated within a few days...which is why I plan these flying visits (eg. this one is only 6 days...I fly 17 hours to be here for 6 days LOL) but I am really enjoying this trip. It's nice to train my Mum's dogs, and spend time with my brother (who I thought may be too busy but took time off work to see me). I wish Marty was here but he'll just have to come out next time!

The smalllest little rituals make you smile when you go back too where you grew up. For me, it's having a flake shake at Wendy's, going to see a movie in the "La Premiere" Hoyt's cinemas at Chadstone Shopping Centre, driving around my old school, stocking up on Tim Tam's and caramello koala's too bring back to the US with me.

Take care,
Chanta

The week so far....

2007-11-21T12:54:00.001-08:00

Here's a basic rundown LOL:

More mercy killing as I catch 2 mice at the Twisted Factory (after they ate my jaffa cakes...bastards). Caught them in glue, whacked them over the head with a tool...apparently now my PA is traumatized!!!

Booked flight to Melbourne. I fly out on Friday night, land on Sunday and return the following Saturday. Just a quick visit...mainly to clean out any stuff I still have at my Mum's house as she may be selling it next year.

Lot's of dog walking with Memphis. He is doing very well in his training (of course, I do have some experience in training LOL) and loves to play off leash at Alamo Square.

The fucking Factory is FREEZING! Have ordered some big propane heaters for the space. I will not shoot in the cold.

The "Hostel" set is coming along nicely. It is going to have a really creepy serial killer feel to it when done!

Had lunch with one my favorite squeezes yesterday: Madison Young. Nice to spend the afternoon with her after wtaching her get fucked in the ass by Otto Bauer for Fucked&Bound!

And the usual stuff; paying bills, cooking for my man, getting updates ready.

take care,
Chanta

So close....

2007-11-13T07:20:00.001-08:00

Today is the day when I almsot needed to report my mother for fraud.

About a month ago I logged onto my Australian accounts just to see how they were doing. I have had these acccounts since I was a teenager and have a fair amount of savings there (actually, it's what I consider a small amount except that the US $ isn't worth piss so actually it's now quite a bit LOL). When I travel to Oz I never spend any o/s funds, I just use my Oz accounts. My credit card there is kept in credit of $500 at all times and has not been used since March, 2006 so imagine my surprise when my online banking says I owe $4700! Of course I freaked out and reported the card stolen, etc, and then the bank starts reading off the charges. Fucking grocery shopping and house bills....

My mom stole my credit card. She does not have one herself because she put over a million dollars into slot machines a few years back....basically she does not have one because she should not have one...but she has helped herself to mine. I was very, very upset. I don't really have "family" these days. My husband is pretty much it. My little brother grew up and doesn;t think hanging out with big sister is cool anymore, my Dad has disowned because of the "Bondage for Sex" book...and now my mom steals my visa card.

I have not received a pay cheque in 2 years so I could not have given her a lot but if she had have told me she was struggling I could have found $2000 or so for her (not as a loan, as a gift). When I told her this she said she would never ask me for money...um, no, you'll just take my fucking visa card and then fuck up my credit record in Australia.

Anyway, shhe asked me to give her a month...and I don't know where she got the money from but the card is paid off in full. Sure, the $500 credit is gone but I'm not going to be petty about that. I am just relieved. I would not have hesitated to report her...she's a grown woman that should have known better and needs to learn to work out her own messes.

Take care,
Chanta

I think I have Snapped...

2007-11-12T08:08:00.000-08:00

I need to find time to go down to BoA and close out every fucking account. Wells Fargo, here I come.

Out with a BANG!

2007-11-10T05:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I shot my last day with Sandra Romain. She did 2 scenes for Captive Male with a couple of my best subs on the site and goddamn did she bring it! Usually when someone is coming to the end of their career, whatever it may be, they get a bit lazy. Regardless of the fact that they may have loved that profession, when you're counting down the days until you're out of it, and especially when that finale involves moving back to your homeland it's easy to just "take the money" without putting in the extra effort. Sandra is awesome and I am really going to miss her. The scenes she did for me yesterday are the best she has ever done for me and I happy to say I have built up quite the backlog of updates for her for Captive Male that I will be spacing out over the next year.

Take care,
Chanta

Loving London

2007-11-03T16:00:00.001-07:00

Damn I miss living here so much.

I missed the Quake!!!

2007-11-01T11:55:00.000-07:00

I was on the plane headed for London Heathrow and we took off at 7:45pm...and then the 5.6 quake hit at 8pm so i totally missed it...DAMN! The biggest one II have ever felt is a 4.7 and would lobve to feel the difference...don't get me wrong I have no desire to feel anything stronger than a 6 but this one I would have liked to have felt.

Take care,
Chanta