My body is not my friend right now...
The paranoia continues just when I thought it was over.
About 2 hours after yesterday's "paranoid" journal entry I got my period and was thrilled. Phoned the husband...and felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders....but by last night the anxiety was back. Why don't I have cramps...why do my tits still hurt soooo fucking much, and why did I have one very small, very light bleed....um, isn't this supposed to be day 1 of my cycle? Now, I am back to having nightmares that I am pregnant with the radiation baby that will need to be terminated...or I'll miscarry, or have a stillborn, or something else horrible. Does anyone know if being off of my thyroid meds for 7 weeks could affect my menstrual cycle?
Getting my period does not tell me I am not pregnant. I fell for that trick once before with a past husband in what seems like a past life. We used to use condom's as birth control, and it broke. Thankfully, in the UK they had just made the morning after pill legally available without needing a prescription so off we went to get that....and I too it less than 36 hours after the sex. SO, we used a condom and the morning after pill and a few weeks later despite my aching tits I got my period....for a day. Weird right? Did a test, and was pregnant. I chose to terminate that pregnancy. Sorry, but I took precautions, more than enough....2 forms of birth vcontrol for fucks sake and I still got knocked up. That would have been one resented child.
Okay, why I am freaking otu so much? Is it because of the stress of the new site and shooting 10 scenes in LA next week? I need to do a test and get this out of head once and for all because right now, I cannot handle what this is doing to my moods and my state of mind.
About 2 hours after yesterday's "paranoid" journal entry I got my period and was thrilled. Phoned the husband...and felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders....but by last night the anxiety was back. Why don't I have cramps...why do my tits still hurt soooo fucking much, and why did I have one very small, very light bleed....um, isn't this supposed to be day 1 of my cycle? Now, I am back to having nightmares that I am pregnant with the radiation baby that will need to be terminated...or I'll miscarry, or have a stillborn, or something else horrible. Does anyone know if being off of my thyroid meds for 7 weeks could affect my menstrual cycle?
Getting my period does not tell me I am not pregnant. I fell for that trick once before with a past husband in what seems like a past life. We used to use condom's as birth control, and it broke. Thankfully, in the UK they had just made the morning after pill legally available without needing a prescription so off we went to get that....and I too it less than 36 hours after the sex. SO, we used a condom and the morning after pill and a few weeks later despite my aching tits I got my period....for a day. Weird right? Did a test, and was pregnant. I chose to terminate that pregnancy. Sorry, but I took precautions, more than enough....2 forms of birth vcontrol for fucks sake and I still got knocked up. That would have been one resented child.
Okay, why I am freaking otu so much? Is it because of the stress of the new site and shooting 10 scenes in LA next week? I need to do a test and get this out of head once and for all because right now, I cannot handle what this is doing to my moods and my state of mind.
posted by Chanta Rose: Bondage Expert at 12:32 PM
1 Comments:
Oh dear... I cannot imagine how you feel, not being able to be pregnant, but, for what it's worth, I myself have some heavy strokes of the paranoia myself and I know those can be quite awful, to say the least. At any rate, my physician confirms that being off your meds could, most certainly, have messed with your cycle. As for the pain in your breasts, certainly you must remember that fear of a condition may induce symptoms of the condition one fears. I remember, as a very hypocondriac teen, I was so afraid of appendicitis my abs once contracted to the point you couldn't feel my adbomen, as it would happen in an actual appendicitis, which I neverf reaaly had. Furthermore, you mustn't forget how stress alone can lead up to several aches and other maladies, both of the flesh and the mind. Often nightmares work as a way of putting oneself through that which one fears, as if to overcome one's fears. It might not have orked, but you should really just relax.
And of course taking the pregnancy test to put your mind at ease can't hurt. In fact, I'd say that's a much wiser call than sitting at home trembling in fear of what it would reveal.
Take care (and a few deep breaths might help).
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