I'm back!

Its been over 3 years since I posted here and I feel it long overdue!

My life has taken many twists and turns since then - some good, and many bad - but it is time to reconsider my place in the world of bondage and revisit some past ideas that I let fall by the wayside.

This is a time of discovery people. Will I complete my chem degree? Will I fall madly in love and get married all over again? Will I be able to keep thyroid cancer at bay? Will my wolf survive another year? And will I finally write Bondage for Sex, Volume 2. Honestly, I have no idea the answer to any of these questions, but it is time to find out.

Twitter

I give in, and just signed up!

www.twitter.com/chantarose

Questionable Uncertainty

I just finsihed writing a paper for Sociology. I had to answer/address the following question:

"Do you think low-wage factory’s of multi-national corporations represent exploitation or opportunity? Why?"

Once upon a time I would have just answered the damned question, but no, now due to my philosophy and communications classes I began my paper with this:

"Either/or questions in argumentative rhetoric like the one above force a reader to think in terms of black and white, right and wrong, and in this case opportunity or exploitation as if there was not an entire world of thought soaked in gray to be considered. The false dilemma is that there are only two possible answers and life is not that simple, not for the factory workers, or for the multi-national corporations that hire them."

Honestly, I could have written an essay on the fallacies in the question alone. False dilemma, appeal to emotional belief, loaded question, guilt by association, etc, etc.

After my opening paragraph I then went on to define the terms and discuss cultural relativism to come out with a surprising essay, even for myself.

I once read that going to college makes a person move from cocksure ignorance (primary certituide) to questionable uncertainty on issues. I am certainly experiencing this but in so many classes where so much time is spent "unpacking" the meaning of a question we never really answer any. This forces me to ask myself; does college create a world of thinkers when really we need a world of doers? Did you notice, I just committed all of the same fallacies as the question above. Fuck.

Nutrition Mid-Terms

I got my mid-term back, and yep, I did it again. Answered 2 questions wrong because I am a dumb-dumb that races through exams instead of reading the question correctly and giving an answer I know. Majorly pissed at myself. "What condition is associated with H.Pylori?" Easy question. The answer is peptic ulcers, but what did I put? I put GERD like a huge dummy. GERD (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease) has NOTHING to do with H. Pylori. There was also a couple of Q's on this exam I flat out did not know, so I got an A-, but this is not going to happen again. That's 2 exams in a row now where I have fucked up 2 question on each, which represents 4% on each because of my own "hurry to get out of there" answering style. From now on, deep breaths, ear plugs (yes, people can be noisy motherfuckers in exams and it bothers me) and reading the Q's properly before answering.

Must be more careful....

I am a little bit pissed at myself right now. Anyone who knows me knows I hold myself to impossible high standards in almost all of what I do.

I just got back my Sociology Exam and I got 3 questions wrong in the multiple choice section. Still an A=93% but I am so, so pissed at myself. I was expecting 1 wrong, thus 98% as there was one question that I flat out did not know the answer but the other two were both things I knew, both things where I did not read the wording of the question properly and therefore both silly errors that I should not have made.

Yes, yes, an A is an A. Well that's one way to look at it, but at the end of semester when the totals for all of the exams are added up that 7% on this exam that I fucked up could make a difference between an A and an A-....and I don't think I would cope well with that. I signed up to do an extra assignment worth 2% extra credit to help take the edge off my fuck up and put me back in the high A range.

One thing I was happy with though was that I received a perfect score on the essay section.

I always thought I would prefer multiple choice to essay question style exams but I had the same thing happen last week in philosophy. We had a really confusingly worded essay exam with 4 arguments that needed to be analyzed...and not analyzed for their truth but for their structure (basically it's math). I was sure I had tanked it but I got a perfect score! Woohoo!

I suppose I am better at esssays than mutltiple choice. Essays make you take the time to think and collect your thoughts before putting pen to paper. Multiple choice seems to be more of "process of elimination" where one must be careful not to fall prey to trick wording.

Fingers crossed for my Nutrition results which I'll have on Monday. Have to say I am very worried about that one as I know of 2 fuckups I made...so there could be more I don't know about yet.

Upset...

I just want to cry. It's been a hard couple of days...lots of little things that now have my head feeling like it wants to explode and my heart feeling as if it is breaking. It's times like these I lose my will to live...which may sound like a strong statement but life can be so damned hard at times and while I enjoy a big challenge, small things can really hurt me.

Yesterday I was in a small car accident. I really don't know who's fault it was but I do know it will raise my insurance and I was literally 1 week away from getting the CA good driver discount (3 years on a CA DL).

Last night I had vivid dreams that I was pregnant and that my husband wanted to make me have an abortion and I wasn't sure what I wanted so I ended up leaving him and was living in a depressing bedsit in the sunset with my dog, pregnant and alone.

Multiple texts from staff and models at TF today about male sub being crap. Shoot was ended after only 1 position. Stuff like this costs the company, and therefore me directly thousands in wasted staff time, model kills fees, the loss of an update, etc.

Today I had a debate in class where one of the people I was debating (who hates immigration) played dirty against me. Normally it would not bother me but I was already rattled.

While in school, the house alarm got set off. Probably by my next door neighbor, which means a $200+ fine from the city just because she can't understand she has to hit "motion off" when the dogs are home and arming the alarm. Not a big deal except for everything else.

I'm going to cook Marty dinner now, and then cry in the bathtub for a bit, while reminding myself I have a lot to be happy for and many people do not.

It probably does not help that I have not taken my thyroid meds for almost 2 weeks.

First Round Done

The last week has included 3 mid-term exams...actually it was 3 in 5 days so i was a wee-bit (okay, a lot) stressed out!

I did not "ace" any of them. I never do. I always get 1 wrong, always, always, always...and usually it's something dumb that I realize as soon as I have turned in my exam. It kills me because I like to be perfect...but Marty keeps telling me, an A is an A...and an A=4 on the GPA which is what matters.

The hardest exam was Nutrition. Really fucking hard. Frustrating too. The teacher put a couple of questions on the exam that were supposed to be easy of things we did not cover in lecture and were not in the textbook, you know, stuff I suppose we're just "supposed to know". This really annoyed me, after the exam I asked her about one which had to do with the minimum recommendation of whole grain in the grain portion of your diet. She laughed, and said "oh, you know, the ads when you were growing up that said make half your grain whole"...I looked at her and said, no, I did not grow up in America and had never seen that slogan. Thanks for the loss of 2% on my exam score. This is the only exam where I am hoping for an A- and am really unsure of my grade, it could be less. I could list every organ, muscle type and hormone secretion in the Gastrointestinal tract and then there was only 2 questions about it on the exam...I could have cried! Oh well. Already got results for Psychology 96% and Sociology 98% though.

Okay, back to Philosophy homework....