Thoughts
I'm about to start decorating the Xmas tree with hubby. This year we got a huge tree standing over 9ft tall. Our Victorian house has the ceilings to make it possible to have such an impressive tree. The entire house smells fantastic, which is my favorite, favorite, favorite thing about a fresh Xmas tree. In Australia we always had plastic.
I have been suffering from some serious jet-lag which sucks and I am not used to but I have also tried to be somewhat productive on what the year ahead may hold for me. It is my intention that 2009 does not resemble 2008 in any way, shape or form. It may be easy to fall back into working ridiculous hours, having no variety in life, etc but the fact is, the last 6 months have made me hugely resentful towards my own company...honestly, you'd have thought that could happen? Well, it did, and not in a small way. In 2009 it is guest directors at TF that will hopefully greatly reduce my workload so I can then overload it again with other things. Things I miss doing greatly, like teaching and writing, and maybe even taking a couple of college classes (I've been a bit biology obsessed lately and want to know more, much more about this story of life).
The biggest achievement I could have, and that I do not know I will succeed at is to learn to forgive myself for some decisions in my past. I never allow myself to feel good about anything I do, or proud of anything I achieve...actually, for the most part I tell myself I have accomplished nothing. I wonder, when the measuring stick I use for myself is so out of reach if I will ever feel satisfied with all that I have done.
I have been suffering from some serious jet-lag which sucks and I am not used to but I have also tried to be somewhat productive on what the year ahead may hold for me. It is my intention that 2009 does not resemble 2008 in any way, shape or form. It may be easy to fall back into working ridiculous hours, having no variety in life, etc but the fact is, the last 6 months have made me hugely resentful towards my own company...honestly, you'd have thought that could happen? Well, it did, and not in a small way. In 2009 it is guest directors at TF that will hopefully greatly reduce my workload so I can then overload it again with other things. Things I miss doing greatly, like teaching and writing, and maybe even taking a couple of college classes (I've been a bit biology obsessed lately and want to know more, much more about this story of life).
The biggest achievement I could have, and that I do not know I will succeed at is to learn to forgive myself for some decisions in my past. I never allow myself to feel good about anything I do, or proud of anything I achieve...actually, for the most part I tell myself I have accomplished nothing. I wonder, when the measuring stick I use for myself is so out of reach if I will ever feel satisfied with all that I have done.
posted by Chanta Rose: Bondage Expert at 3:48 PM
1 Comments:
I don't remember ever having a real Christmas tree. Enjoy yours!
It's really not that uncommon to feel resentful of one's own creation, but, judging from what you tell us on your blog (meaning getting new webmasters and riggers), it would seem to me that you're quite set to allow yourself some time off to other enterprises.
I can only dream of achieving as much as you have in just as short a time as you've lived so far. Even my latest achievement, of which I'm rather proud, pales in comparison to your exploits. Cut yourself some slack.
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