Less than 48 hours....

and I'll be on a plane to Rome! In only 9 hours I officially go on vacation from my staff, etc. They all know as of 6pm tonight I am not to be bothered with anything other than a complete emergency and even then, they should go to Tony first!

Amazing!

Yesterday, hubby bought me 5 pairs opf socks from REI. The cheapest pair was $8, the most expensive was around $12. I never buy socks, and when I do it is the 3 pair for $5 kind. I was down to my last pair of socks and because I only had one pair left I was wearing them 7 days in a row until they were really gross, then washing them and wearing them for another week LOL!!! So anyway, I have these new socks, socks which, when hubby bought them for me I was yelling and screaming about wasting so much money on socks but today, I am wearing my first pair and I have to say; it's like being reborn. These expensive socks are amazing!! My feet are warm but not sweaty. My arches are supported, my heel and ball of foot areas are nicely cushioned. I have never, in my life, worn such nice socks.

The word "Disease"

I was waiting in line at Safeway today with groceries when I picked up a gossip mag and started flipping through. I fell upon an article about Tatum O'Neil and how she was saying that her children know she is not a bad person but that she has a disease that she is trying to beat. Of course, her "disease" is drug addiction.

Now, before anyone rips into me about this I want to explain that I commend people who face their addictions and fight them, recover from them, etc, whether it be drugs, alocohol, sex, shopping or maybe even porn, and I would also agree that it is an illness but using the word "disease" is just too much for me. Many of these addictions are started by bad decision making at some point whereas someone who wakes up one day and the left hand side of their body is paralysed because of a tumor the size of an egg in their head really didn;t do anything except live their life and BAM, one day they have a disease that could kill them through no fault of their own.

Now yes, there are diseases that people get from their lifestyles; lung cancer from smoking, diabetes from a huge sugar intake, cerosis of the liver from drinking, HIV fron intrvenous drug use or unsafe sex, etc, etc but I still feel these awful illnesses do earn the word "disease".

I suppose my question is, while I feel that addiction is an illness, and is certainly not an easy thing to beat or recover from, is it a disease? I just can't bring myself to say it is. I have a huge amount of sympathy for people that are diseased (admittedly, mainly cancer, but that was always the case, even before I had it) and I do not feel the same sympathy for someone who drinks their life away, etc.

When my parents separated my Dad gave my Mum $1.8 million dollars. He bought her a business to make herself self sufficient (a business she wanted) and kept her on an income of 52k annually while my brother was under 18 years of age. She bought a house ($400,000) and put the other $1.4 million into slot machines in less than 2 years. She now struggles financially. My Dad still helps her despite the fact they have been separated since 1996 and she receives guidance from Gamblers Anonymous. I am happy she found help but I just can't feel the sympathy for her that I have for say, my friend Heaven Lee who had cervical cancer and after 6 months of chemo and radiation and a full hysterectomy was given the all clear only to be diagnosed with brain cancer one week later and died shortly after. She was 26 years old.

But you know what, maybe I am just a big square. I don't drink (at all), smoke, do drugs (except those I have to take to keep me alive), gamble, spend beyond my means and am in a monogamous relationship....but, yes, I do make some dirty as fuck porno, and some people, my own Father included would have preferred I had any of the addictions listed above than make adult movies or be into bondage.

Ugh!

I am so over being in front of the camera. I shot with Adrianna Nicole yesterday who I have known for years and is one of my all time favorite girls to work with (not to mention also one of my closest friends) and I just could not gte motivated. As soon as I start applying the make up to my face I feel as if the life is being sucked out of me. Usually I can pull it together and still do a great shoot but yesterday, I really wasted a great girl....did some cool breast bondage though. I really need to prepare myself to shoot these days...I am a far cry from the 25 year old that used to sit at my desk at the glob topless while I edited LOL.

There's a lot of pressure on me right now. Everyone wants to be a webmaster...and if they feel they can't/won't/don't want to get a job you know where then they come to us at TF. In a way it's great because we get brought new site ideas, we meet some talented people, etc but in other ways it is a lot of work for me. Hiring a webmaster is not just "here you go, run this site", it's also making sure you have enough crew, you have ways of shooting multiple sites at the same time...and you have the funds to have all of this happen.

The biggest decision of all is if we will allow a webmaster or director to work remotely. We have been chatting with a great rigger in Germany for some time now who would like to create a site for us. I love that this would mean an untapped model pool, and different shooting locations to our existing studio but it also worries me greatly. How would we quality control? Would he have editors, etc out there or would the media come here for editing/encoding? Would we give him a set amount of $$$ to spend on shoots (including his fee) or would we put him on salary and give him a company credit card. I could go on and on....