Good Riddance 2008

This has not been a good year, and I am happy to see it end. Hubby and I actually did something different this year instead of the usual scrabble with the in-laws. We went for an early dinner at Lark Creek Steak House (mmm, yum, filt mignon) and then saw "Frost/Nixon" at the Metreon. Fucking awesome movie I might add! It was just over a year ago that I had a birthday dinner at Lark Creek with Berlin and a couple of other friends, we all had such high hopes for 2008 that I ignored warning signs that would have saved me a lot of heartache. Oh well, live and learn and look forward to 2009...a year I hope will not resemble 2008 at all.

Places I've Been!

visited 54 states (24%)
Create your own visited map of The World or try another Douwe Osinga project

School

I think I may need a degree to navigate the online college classe schedule LOL! I am finding the American college system quite frustrating but have accepted that I live here and that this is just the way it is. A bachelors degree in the UK and Australia is 3 years. A double degree is 5. There's no entry level math, or english composition, etc as it is assumed you learnt all of that to college level in high school. Here, I must do it all again, and have the pleasure of paying for it (something I also did not have to do in Aus thanks to HECS) but the change is so refreshing. My brain has always been a sponge, and the memory I have been blessed with is pretty extraordinary (does that sound arrogant?), I never forget anything...anything at all, especially numbers. Marty can ask me how much a dinner cost 7 years ago in Hawaii and I can not only tell him exactly, I can tell him exactly what we ate and what each item cost. He laughs at this useless skill but I feel, with training this memory could be valuable to more than being able to recite meaningless crap from years gone by.

This year will be a year of exams for me. Now that I find very scary. From entry level exams, to the citizenship test, too maybe even the LSAT. I am hungry for knowledge. Knowledge beyond rope, and sex, and cameras, and lighting, and porno politics.

Last week, someone said to me they cannot imagine the Bondage Porn industry without me in it. Firstly, I am not going anywhere. Yes, my days in front of the camera are done, but I will still be teaching (something I have already started to schedule for 2009), I will hopefully get Volume 2 of "Bondage for Sex" out and Twisted Factory will continue to shoot with the immense help of several talented guest directors. It's called delegating and it is something I should have put my foot down about over 6 months ago. Maybe then I would have only had a mini-burn-out instead of an almost complete nervous breakdown.

Delegation+Variety+Education=Improved Quality of Life. At least that's the plan LOL. Knowing me I'll jump into something 150% and burn out all over again LOL.

Thoughts

I'm about to start decorating the Xmas tree with hubby. This year we got a huge tree standing over 9ft tall. Our Victorian house has the ceilings to make it possible to have such an impressive tree. The entire house smells fantastic, which is my favorite, favorite, favorite thing about a fresh Xmas tree. In Australia we always had plastic.

I have been suffering from some serious jet-lag which sucks and I am not used to but I have also tried to be somewhat productive on what the year ahead may hold for me. It is my intention that 2009 does not resemble 2008 in any way, shape or form. It may be easy to fall back into working ridiculous hours, having no variety in life, etc but the fact is, the last 6 months have made me hugely resentful towards my own company...honestly, you'd have thought that could happen? Well, it did, and not in a small way. In 2009 it is guest directors at TF that will hopefully greatly reduce my workload so I can then overload it again with other things. Things I miss doing greatly, like teaching and writing, and maybe even taking a couple of college classes (I've been a bit biology obsessed lately and want to know more, much more about this story of life).

The biggest achievement I could have, and that I do not know I will succeed at is to learn to forgive myself for some decisions in my past. I never allow myself to feel good about anything I do, or proud of anything I achieve...actually, for the most part I tell myself I have accomplished nothing. I wonder, when the measuring stick I use for myself is so out of reach if I will ever feel satisfied with all that I have done.

Mean Travel Gods

I am wide awake at 5am. Actually, I've been wide awake since 3:30am but tried to stay resting in bed for as long as I could. I never, ever get jet-lagged because I have what I believe is a rather perfest long haul travel system but these last couple of days could thrown anyone off.

I left London as plannned around 3pm on on Tuesday 12/16. Usually I fly direct but for many stupid reasons I booked a flight via Chicago O'Hare (for extra miles and a cheaper ticket). Due to strong winds and bad weather at O'Hare we landed 90 minutes late so I was sure I had missed my domestic connection to SF but it was delayed. I ran through the terminals and security and made it to my gate only to play a game of watch the delay time keep changing. When an airline keeps delaying a flight, and the plane you're supposed to get on isn't even there it doesn't look good. Thinking ahead I decided to volunteer to fly out the next day. The flight was over sold anyhow and if you volunteer you usually get your hotel paid for and a travel voucher worth a couple of hundred bucks but United weren't offering anything so I stayed put.

After 3 hours, we had a plane, a crew and we were all seated and ready to go. Planes were taking off and landing as there was a break in the weather. Unfortunately, what we did not have was a pilot. Ground crew asked us all to disembark and of course, United blamed the weather so they wouldn't have to pay for anyones hotel. After waiting in line to get a new flight for the next day (no offense to the average flyer but I am a super high frequesnt flyer and I am booked in first class so why the fuck am I in a line half a mile long with everyone else? There are special lines for us at check in, at boarding, etc but not at customer service...bullshit) and realising the closest hotel available using the pink discount voucher the airline gave out I decided to sleep in the airport. Finally, late this afternoon I arrived back home in SF.

Questions

Taken from "imp of satan" lj:

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Unfortunately it was a year of routine and same old this, same old that.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I disn;t make any, but this year I will be.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. I live in SF, we're pro-dogs and anti-children.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
Italy, Germany, England, Australia.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A quality of life that does not invlove working over 80 hours a week for peanuts.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory,and why?
July 9th, it was a day when things started to crumble.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Having a happpy marriage and finding guest directors to help me at TF.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not releasing a second book or teaching in the US.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Depression.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
HD cameras for TF, they rock!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Sabrina Fox.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
That name, for the time being, will remain out of print.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Framer's Market, I love those!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Barack Obama winning the election. What a fantastic moment in history to be alive for.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I have no idea.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter
c) richer or poorer? Richer (only just, and not because of TF)

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Swimming, writing, cooking, planning my future.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Working. It has destroyed me.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Hopefully just with my man, but you never know, I may end up hosting ab ig family thing.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I fall more in love with Marty every year.

22. How many one-night stand?
Sorry, I'm married so it's one man only, on many nights for me!

23. What was your favourite TV program?
Grey's Anatomy and Tell me you Love me.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Yes, I do, but until I can remove him from my life the name shall remain out of print.

25. What was the best book you read?
Jodi Piccoult disappointed me this year, so nothing really stands out.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
LOL, Peter Gabriel, I am addicted to some of his corny songs and I had never heard them before!

27. What did you want and get?
Nothing I can think of.

28. What did you want and not get?
A decent income, a reasonable workload, a quality of life.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
I haven't seen it yet but I am guessing it will be "Doubt", on DVD is was the Elizabeth movies with Cate Blanchett and the Other Boleyn Girl with Natalie Portman.

30. What did you do on your birthday?
I am postponing it until 2009, so no b'day this year!

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Writing Volume 2 of Bondage for Sex.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
I lived in pj's and turtlenecks which I think accurately portrays my depresssion.

33. What kept you sane?
I am far from sane.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Angelina Jolie. I just love her, along with Ginnifer Goodwin, Amy Adams and Jennifer Aniston.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Some of the tactics used by the Republican party during the Presidentail election.

36. Who did you miss?
My littl brother Ben, but thankfully I saw him twice this year.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
My "normal" friends, those who have no link to the adult industry.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008;
I'm still figurng that one out.

Postponing my Birthday!

In a couple of days it is my birthday (12/12) but for a number of reasons I am postponing it to January 12th, 2009!

While I love being a Sagitarian, I HATE having a December birthday. For the last 2 years I have wanted to go to a certain restaurant for dinner and it is always booked out, along with every other nice place for office Xmas parties, etc. This year would be worse, because my birthday falls on a Friday, and several months ago I realised it was going to be the same day as the Kink Xmas party...fucking great. So, I deliberately planned to be out of the country (I'm in London) to hopefully avoid the fight I always have with hubby about the Kink Xmas party, which this year could be that much bigger (the fight, not the party) because of the date it falls on LOL! I get very emotional about that event.

As we have just resturned from Australia, and now I am away again, we have not been shopping for b'day present. I never really know what I want so we'll head to the mall and I'll find stuff, the same stuff every year: new boots, new handbag, etc but this year I don't need that stuff because the ones I got last year are still going strong! To take the pressure off of hubby, I said, let's just postpone it. In January I can find a gift, and go the restaurant I want to eat at without all this Xmas shit everywhere!

Exciting for TF!

I returned to the US yesterday from a 2 week vacation in Australia. I would like to say I did not work at all but I was *forced* to by a demanding red head waiting for an official job offer (and no, it probably is not the red head you're thinking of). This offer is the first of it's kind in my company. We are (hopefully) hiring our first Webmaster to help lighten my workload and breathe some fresh air into one of our sites.

For a long time I was obsessed with "Kink" directors. I really thought I would never be able to find people to come and work at TF that were a) any good, and b) could be trusted not to be poached as soon as they start working for me LOL. In the last couple of months we have booked no less than 6 riggers to "guest direct" and it really has opened my eyes to the fact that there are talented people out there who do not work at Kink. As fate would have it, as soon as I had this revelation a Kink rigger became available.

In the past 2 weeks, while I have been snorkelling the reef, eating delicious Moreton Bay Bugs and enjoying the luxury of "La Premiere" Cinemas, my company had 6 shoots, none of which I had to be present for, and while I have not edited these yet I have viewed the photos and it is clear that there is some great content there, especially in the Berlin directed scenes. Her shoots may take a fucking long time but her ideas on this last trip are simply out of this world...I even feel a little sorry for her victims....but while Berlin will always be a big part of TF, she is not the red head we have made the Webmaster offer to at this time.